Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thursday Ramblings

Wow, what a week! Started a new job, green truck died, made some big life decisions, and began carpooling early in the morning. Of course, you may hear more about that in Monica's awesome Friday blog.

I'm almost getting the hang of my new job. There's like 4 or 5 new things I learn each day that would have been nice to have known the day before, but I guess that's how it goes. I actually get my first paycheck tomorrow for the part-time training I did, so at least I'll see some fruits of my labor. I can't tell you the feeling of pride I feel for having a full-time job again. Not that I was incomplete without a full-time job, but it was easy to feel I was.

It is also interesting how having a full-time job makes it easy to forget my dreams. I wrote a blog about having a better story, and now that I work so much, I can see how I could give up on those dreams for the sake of comfortability. It would be easy to stop right now and not pursue my story. I'm pretty sure being a case manager is not the climax or the resolution, rather, it is part of the plot. It is supporting the story that I am ready to continue living.

A line from The Kite Runner I will always remember comes in the first chapter of the book (if my memory serves me correct). The main character is told this: "There is a way to be good again." Chilling and hopeful at the same time, I feel the power of these words. "There is a way to be alive again," are the words that scream out in my mind, sometimes echoing in the emptiness of fear, sometimes absorbed by the power of finally living. I want to be alive again and there is always a way, despite my protestations that I've tried everything. Maybe we should stop trying and start living...


  1. Ben - I subscribe to your blog in my rss feed and I've really enjoyed reading your thoughts about "re-writing" and "re-telling" our story. It sounds hokey to say that you've inspired me a little bit with your words, but in some ways you have. We are kindred spirits my old gravel moving friend. You're right when you say there is a way to be alive again.

    -Michael "Random Blog Creeper" M.

  2. I can fully relate to you here, Ben. I, too, just started a new job despite big dreams and hopes in doing something different. Something more adventurous. Most particularly, something that God can use me in for huge results.

    I'll still pursue the huge, but in the meantime I must stay content with the little things he has for me. But, it's easy to lose sight, like you say.

    All I can say to you is continue to stay focused despite the distractions. Also, don't forget that the life you live is exactly that: the life you live. Don't feel like living is just out of reach. You are alive.

    We don't want regrets, but the most regretful thing to do would be to some years down the road discover that our focus on our so-called dreams kept us from really living in our apparent reality.

    That may be too deep, but I feel that you're a deep guy.