When Did We Get Here

We are attending a funeral today for the mother of one of our dear friends. Last year we attended the funeral of another dear friend’s father. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend on the phone and it hit me: When did we get to the point when losing our parents is a real possibility? I know it has always been a possibility, but it seems more real now. I don’t like to think about it, and I’d rather continue with my earlier beliefs that my parents will never die. It should make sense that as we get older, our parents do to, but I forget it sometimes.

I almost feel like I should now go into a discussion about how we should never take our parents for granted, but I don’t feel like going into the guilt part of this. I am mainly thinking about how things are different as we get older. Inevitably, we are all a day closer to our deaths than we were yesterday. In bed last night we were talking about this and how easy it is to forget to live in the present. It seems like we spend most of our time thinking about tomorrow and our plans, and we miss out on the present moments God gives us to live under his care. I realize I said earlier I didn’t want to go into the guilt part, and I think I just did.

When did we get here?

Happy Birthday, M!

Happy Birthday, Baby! For the next four months you are the old one in our house. Cali was the first to wish you happy birthday at 3:36am (I assume that’s why she was barking). I love you and I am glad I get to celebrate with you tonight. You are so wonderful and I am so lucky to be your hubby. I don’t know how you manage to be so awesome, but you are and I try everyday to elevate myself to your level of awesomeness. I hope you have a great birthday and have fun today. I love you!!!!!

End of an Era

Our iBook G4, purchased for me after my undergraduate graduation, has ceased to work in a functional way. Apparently, the logic board is not working right. Funny, I say the same thing about Monica sometimes (haha! I wouldn’t dare). That’s alright, my logic board usually overpowers my feelings board, which has its own problems.

So, we are off to purchase a new MacBook so we can exist again. Life is tough without a laptop, especially when you’re needing to do research for jobs, or waiting to hear back about jobs. We’re managing okay, but there is this constant fear that we’re missing an important email. It is pretty sick, actually!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Somewhere Else

Good news! I passed the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) National Exam… Basically, it is the big test I have to pass before I can get my license in a year and a half. I guess it is like our board exam. It is nice to have it over and done with because it was hanging over my head for a while.

Now, for the two steps somewhere else. I called the Oklahoma MFT board to see if any of my supervision hours would transfer and they said, “No, you would lose them all. It would be better to finish in TN and then move here.” I am 350 hours into 1000, and have paid about $1500 for supervision so far, so that makes the decision a little tougher. I call this two steps somewhere else (instead of back) because I am not sure where this leaves us. We were thinking strongly about moving back to the Oklahoma area, and this adds a new dimension to the mix. And, there is this little part of me that wonders if maybe God has something else in mind than to move back to SUV-land right now. Last night in bed we were talking about how in five years we’ll probably look back and say, “See, it worked out,” as we drive our twin Mercedes to our 6 bedroom house. Of course, that “fantasy” would mean we are living in my parents house driving my dad’s old Mercedes--let’s hope it doesn’t work out!

Is It Worth It?

I’m tired of being challenged at church. Curt Sparks left several years ago and I was dreading the interim preaching. Turns out, though, that Sycamore View did an incredible job at finding interim preachers who continually fed me. Here’s how it went down: First, Curt announced his departure and delivered an amazing series on the Holy Spirit and following God. Next came John Mark Hicks. His honesty and his introduction to Christianity as a human transforming endeavor leveled me week to week. Then, Jim Woodruff hits the scene with his openness and sincerity, showing us the power of the Gospels. Honestly, his preaching for me had little to do with what he said, and more to do with the honesty with which he faces life. Finally, we found a new preacher, Josh Ross, and he’s continuing with passion to show me what it really means to call Christ my savior.

It’s funny, I shy away from much spiritual talk on the blog. There exist several reasons for this, and I will let you in on the most difficult one: I am scared to death of Christianity. To truly follow the words of the Bible takes me so far from what I really want to do. It was nice when sacrifice meant not going to a soccer game on Sunday morning. Now, it means loving people I don’t want to love, sharing things I don’t want to share, making decisions I don’t want to make, giving up control over things I don’t want to give up contol over. Is it really worth it? I stay awake thinking about that question. Please don’t see this as a call to try to answer that question for me, because you can’t. I feel good that I am at the point that I can have that question, instead of worrying about whether I am giving enough money, and whether to base that on net or gross (answers are no and probably gross, anyway). There have got to be less demanding religions out there!

Life on the Other Side

I had a friend text me the other day asking me how life was on the other side to which I responded “wonderful”! I am in week 3 since I decided to quit my job & I wish I could say that I had figured out the perfect career, but alas life has a way of distracting me & for some reason fortune cookies aren’t that specific. Ben & I spent week 1 being counselors at my dad’s camp session in Missouri so that week didn’t really count. The first part of week 2 was spent recovering from camp, unpacking & getting our house ready for company because Ben’s friend Patrick came from OK to spend a week with us over the 4th.

Our little family is at a crossroads right now in our lives. We are on the verge of becoming “The American Dream” with 2.5 kids & a white picket fence. We know that the decisions we make now will affect the rest of our lives - where to live, what jobs we have, what house to buy, etc. Part of us wants to keep our adventurous spirit & move halfway around the world to New Zealand or to Colorado & another part of us wants to be even closer to family so that our kids will grow up really knowing their grandparents, aunts & uncles.

There are couples that allow their kids to become the center of their world & squeeze out anything they were interested in as a couple or as individuals, which we do not want. However, we wouldn’t be cruel enough not to create the beautiful children that our genes will no doubt create (you know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen Ben’s baby pictures). The problem is that there’s never a good time to have kids so you just have to squeeze them in sometime eventually.

All of this said, we are VERY blessed & we have wonderful lives & a lot of people that care about us in this world. We will continue to pray about all of these things & as Curt Sparks once said, “look for the markers to line up.”