Friday, March 24, 2006

The Lie Factor

I think part of being a good friend is the ability to lie. For instance, anytime you ask a friend something about your appearance, they will almost always tell you that you look good, even if you look like a cross between Carrot Top and Benji. You don't want a friend to be too honest, so you welcome the lie and go on with your ugly self.

The other evening as I was shaving my face in the shower, I asked Monica if I got it all, and she said yes. I believed her, put my clothes on, and we left for home group. We got home that night and I looked at myself in the mirror and it looked like I had been shaved by a blind man with butter knife. I catch my wife in her lie, and all she says is, "I thought you were kidding!"? Thanks honey.

Anyway, good friends lie, and that is the way it needs to be. A quick lesson in girl language (Monica informed me of this)—When you are a girl and you change your appearance and then find yourself in the company of other girls, and they say nothing, it is because they hate your new look. It is a pretty funny phenomenon, because instead of lying, girls just act like they don't notice. If you are a guy and another guy looks odd, you are lucky because there is now a guy that looks worse than you and you have just moved up the food chain. In any of these situations you should lie—a good friend would do no less.

So, the key is to lie. Here are some good lie statements to try:

"Oh, your hair is so short."? (as if short could actually mean good)
"Where did you get that sweater, did 1987 come back?“"?

"That's a pretty color to paint a room that no one sees."?
"No, you don't look fat, everything else just looks small."?
"Nice shirt, who knew Ocean Pacific was still around."?
"Awesome jeans, I like how those pockets are high and spread out—makes your butt look small."?

No comments:

Post a Comment