Living to be Something vs. Living not to be Something

I like to ponder on things during the week and let Monica wrap it all up on Fridays with her awesome blog posts. She’s revived the blog and I look forward how she saw the week.

I’ve noticed a big difference between those who live to be something and those who live to not be something. For instance, I had a roommate that was heck-bent on not turning out like his father. He was going to finish college and be a brain surgeon—I’m not sure he finished the first year. So much was focused on not being his dad and he couldn’t focus on being himself. I see it in couples all the time—“I don’t want to be like my dad” or “I’m so afraid she’ll be like her mom.” The couple focuses on not being their parents and have trouble developing into who they want to be. I find that living out of not wanting to be something often gets the opposite result, which is ending up like that something. The anxiety actually brings about what someone is trying to avoid. Its like shaving your head so you don’t start balding. The reason I think this happens is when I am trying hard not to be something and I start to think I am being that way, I get discouraged and reason that I must just be that way (I think this happens on the conscious and unconscious levels). Its related to the “I’m mad but I don’t want to be and that makes me even more mad” scenario.

Then, I notice the people that are living to be something they want to be. I find it refreshing to be around these people because they seem to know what they want and go after it without a second thought. They are not hindered by not wanting to be something and have the freedom to be what they want. I think this is the difference between doing something out of fear and doing something out of freedom. I have found a great point here to dive off into some theological stuff, because this applies to those who are Christians because they want to be with God vs. those who are Christians because they don’t want to go to hell. Its also like OU playing a bowl game to not lose rather than to win.