Thursday, June 17, 2010

Blog Imbalances and Strong-Willed Women

Our blog is trippy, as in I almost trip over myself when I look at our blog (I'll get commission from the Grandpa's League for that brilliant one-liner). The balance is off without regular Friday blogs. I've done my pleading to Monica and hope she can help the inner ear problem of our blog. Her Friday blogs are crucial to the order and progress of the world.

With that said, one of the worst ways to get somebody to do something is to will them do it. Have you noticed this? And yet, it is one of the most common strategies for change. If I can come up with really good reasons in my head for Monica do something and proceed to tell her why she should do it, I have now rendered myself almost completely ineffective. Rather than abandoning this strategy after it doesn't work, I get sneakier/more passive about it and throw in little comments like, "Our blog balance is off," or, "But the children LOVE the blogs" (adapted from Elf and to be read in the voice of a sweet nun).

I used to use the term strong-willed to describe my wife. I can't use it anymore because it puts me in a bind. If I refer to her as strong-willed, what is she really strong-willed against?* [Drop head, mumble level 1 expletive] My will! It is one of life's great ironies. One of my major marriage goals is to be unwilling.

As a result of this, when Monica is not paying attention to one of my brilliant expository lectures on why she should change or do something, the question changes from, "Why is she using that stubborn, strong-will again?" to, "Why am I trying to will her?" Of course, the answer to the latter is, "Because I know best." After all, I am now an LMFT--Licensed to Make Families Terrific! (More commission!)

Be careful, though, this might change the book you reach for when you are trying to deal with a "strong-will." This is where I am supposed to say, "And I've written that book," and have a pretty little link to Amazon where you can read reviews about how people bought my book for others who needed it more.

*Hal Runkel and Edwin Friedman are my main influences for this way of thinking.

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