"Life's Not Fair, Kid..."

“But it’s not fair!”--the exclamation that rings out of kids and adults from 1 to 92. We all know the woefully uncomforting answer: “Life’s not fair.” When I hear those three words I think, “Really, is that all we’ve come up with?”

If you know me, especially lately, you may have noticed some deconstructionistic tendencies in my writings and thoughts. Why do we say what we do? And why do we accept what we say? Even more important to me is why we say things and then do the opposite.

Why do we respond to emotional statements with responses that squash the emotion? As if making a logical statement makes it all better. “It’s not fair!” can be a thought and emotion, but the response is always a thought. Once the response becomes a statement of fact, then it is subject to a whole realm of logic, and all sorts of conclusions you don’t want. For instance, if life is not fair, then there is no point of being fair if you want to survive. Or, if life is not fair, and I keep doing things to make it fair, then I am in an endless pursuit. “Life’s not fair” can put me in a pretty helpless predicament where I do desperate things to make life fair for me, which never works because it’s not fair. Try this: Because the government isn’t fair, it is okay for me to not be fair on my taxes in order to make up for the unfairness. (I hope this is not too hard for you to understand like the other stuff I write, Michael;).

Whether life is fair or not is a thought for plenty of debate. We will continue to build philosophies and religions around how do deal with unfairness in this world. Those still won’t help the emotions behind “It’s not fair.” There must be a better follow up statement to that statement that takes the emotion into account--a way to say, "Yeah, it can feel that way." Of course, we can always continue to pass the anxiety that we avoid from the emotion of that statement to the next generation and let them try to sort it out intellectually, as they accuse us of not being fair.

Next up, “Big boys don’t cry.” May it never be uttered in my home!

2009: A Year to Remember to Not Forget

At the beginning of 2009, we were staring down the barrel of unemployment. Going from DINKS (Dual Income No Kids) to SINKS (Single Income) to NINKS (No Income), is not the progression we had in mind. With no idea what was going to come next, we jumped in the car and drove to Oklahoma with no idea how long we would be away from Memphis. By the time we made it back to Memphis, Monica had an interview for a job, I had a couple of part-time jobs lined up, and we thought it would be healthy to go back to the home we owned.

Ten months later, Ben finally found full-time employment and Monica survived her new job, and there you have it—2009 in a nutshell!

That’s the nutshell version, but here is the nuthouse version:

This was the craziest, most unstable, depressing, exciting, stagnant, fast-paced, no growth, unfathomable growth year of our lives yet! Nothing worked out and everything worked out at the same time.

The year was marked by taking a 10-day survey trip in March to Ireland (both of our first times to experience Europe) and training with an amazing team ready to make an impact for Christ in Dublin. Through this process we experienced spiritual growth at deeper levels than ever before in our lives; however, ultimately we felt led in a different direction and the difficult decision was made to resign from the team.

Ben worked at 5 different jobs this year before experiencing the irony of landing back at his old place of employment that let him go in January. He’s working in a different capacity, but has fit back in well. He’s trying to learn how to work 40 hours a week like the rest of the world. Monica was the face of stability by staying at her job and is a Jane-of-all-trades.

Our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds! Through all the frustrations, joys, awesome concerts, different wake up times, Monica’s sassing and Ben’s moping, we decided to stick it out. What an awesome year for our marriage, and we look forward to many more, as long as Monica quits trying to shove her cold feet under Ben when they go to bed at night!

We look forward to the new year and what we have in the works. Monica is going to pursue a career in professional home staging through further training (although she is already pretty incredible at it). Ben is excited about being involved in bringing positive change to Memphis with his involvement in ScreamFree and partnering with people and organizations throughout the city. These are the things that keep us up at night with excitement.

Life looks full of possibilities for 2010. May our paths cross in ways that benefit us all! We love you all - Merry Christmas!

Two Days Until Christmas Letter

The Christmas letter blog will come sailing in on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day, on Christmas day in the morning. The "Inadequacy of Christmas" is not our Christmas letter, thank goodness!

The Inadequacy of Christmas

Christmas has become a time to be frustrated with those who only see the season as a time of materialism. Take Christ out of Christmas and you just have "mas"--the Spanish word for more. We debate the use of holiday and/or Christmas, as if the use of one word over the other would make a difference

Why do we need other people to focus on Christ during this time? I handed a cashier some money the other day and said, "Merry Christmas!" I said very little to her the rest of the year. What is that about? Let's only shop at the places that still use the term Christmas vs. Holidays. Really? Do you know how much marketing research went into deciding which word to use in order to get the most people to purchase products?

I wonder if the reason we want people to remember Christ during Christmastime is so we don't feel as bad about how we did not help people remember Christ the rest of the year. We depend on a season to bring Christ back into focus for people. If Christmas and the Charlie Brown Christmas Special would just do its job, we could actually enjoy the holiday or "holy day." When I point at the world's failure to recognize Christmas, what am I really pointing at? Christmas will continue to be inadequate as long as I depend on it to bring Christ back into focus for others.

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.

I've never felt more excited around the New Year for so many new beginnings! This past week has been full of Christmas events & spending time with great friends. Ben's work x-mas party was at Incredible Pizza which was a lot of fun (see pic below). My work opted to hold our x-mas breakfast between 5-7A in between the night/day shifts, so there was a lot of caffeine involved in that shindig.

ScreamFree Marriage Update
Yesterday, Ben called me at work to tell me that he had a work thing to go to last night from 5:30-7. He was all ready to battle it out when he told me, thinking that I would be really upset since we had been counting on our first relaxing evening at home in almost 2 wks. Instead, I simply said, "Ok." Ben kinda did a double take & didn't know quite how to respond. Apparently, us both acting like healthy, functioning adults catches us both off guard a lot these days.

I feel a little like when we first started dating because we have amazing conversations throughout the day & sometimes until wee hours of the morning, only it's more fun because we get to live together without feeling guilty. It's like we are getting to know each other on a whole new level because we are taking the pressure of "reactivity" out of our relationship.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree...
After brainwashing Ben with sushi Friday night, I dragged him to the Singing Christmas Tree at Bellevue on Sat. Since living in Memphis, we have been told time & time again that this is a Must See. We crossed it off of our "things to do in Memphis" list & gave it a 5 out of 10. We went with our friends Justin & Brandy, so that made it a lot more fun!

Last year, Ben dragged me kicking & screaming to a Christmas chorus at St. John's Episcopal Church because a co-worker of his was performing. It ended up being an amazing experience & is now one of our favorite Christmas events! We went again last weekend & it was just as we'd remembered & more. There's just something about hearing a choir sing Carol of the Bells, O Holy Night & The Hallelujah Chorus in a beautiful church with that "old wood" smell that puts you in the Christmas spirit!

My Office Quote of the Week
"All jobs suck, some just suck worse than others."

Another One Bites the Dust...
This weekend we are saying goodbye to yet more friends that are making the typical move from Memphis to Nashville. Clay & Katie (or as we call them, Claytie) are some of the coolest people we know & we are sad to see them go. Camping trips & LIFE group have been a blast ...we'll miss sharing life with you guys!

It's hard to believe that a week from today is Christmas! Tonight we have our last annual Craig & Merschon x-mas party, Starry Nights at Shelby Farms on Sat, a few days of work & then we're off to Hot Springs for our first stop. The Benicas are going green this year & have decided to save a few trees by posting our infamous Christmas letter on our blog, so be looking for that on Christmas Day!