Barefoot in Memphis

We're Branching Out

2011-01-16T20:01:00.000-06:00

Benica are spreading their branches into their own online presences. This may mean the end of the blog you are reading right now, or we may occasionally still update this one--it's all up in the air right now. In other words, make this low on the list of blogs you check. File this in the quarterly blog check category.

Ben will be at benthompsoncanchange.com. It is a blog aimed at inspiring action and change, to overtake the status quo and live life with purpose and meaning. It will chronicle his efforts towards creating a fulfilling life. This is his launch into professional blogging.

Monica is focusing on how she wants to achieve world domination through staging. Her blog is at stagingbym.wordpress.com. She is sharing her expertise and passion for staging and will bring some great ideas for your own staging projects. She's planning on doing some consults online by accepting pictures of rooms from readers like you. It's going to be a lot of fun!

Keep up with both of us for all the fun and excitement. You may even want to put both our blogs on the screen together and read them at the same time with different eyes!

Merry Christmas, Blog Readers!

2010-12-25T12:54:00.000-06:00


Love, Ben, Monica & Cali

Stay tuned in 2011 for an exciting announcement regarding our blog!

A Friday Quickie!

2010-12-03T15:45:00.003-06:00

At lunch today
Monica: I really need to find a new hairdresser, I'm starting to look Amish.
Ben: Hmmm...
Monica: Ugh, I even have split ends.
Ben: You're just now noticing?
(Ben has no idea what split ends are.)

What the Art?!
A few weeks ago we (mostly Ben) painted our living room and dining room a light gray and it turned out great! I was in the process of reaccessorizing and came across a metal wall art piece that was 50% off at Hobby Lobby.

I held it up for Ben to see and he described it as "dreadful." In my defense, I wasn't sure about it from the get-go. I proceeded to drag Ben kicking and screaming to Garden Ridge where we picked out a piece of art that was much more our style.

Cali Update
Our poor puppy was doing fantastic on her raw diet until we had a minor set back while traveling over Thanksgiving. She's been pretty scratchy since then, but I think a b-a-t-h (that's how we say it when she's around) this weekend will help a lot. Also, she has transitioned to her "winter bed" and spends most of her time doing this...

So do any other hubbys out there actually know what split ends are? Any couples ever run into a decorating dilemma with wall art? I'm pretty sure we have the cutest, and laziest puppy in the world! Enjoy your December, "Christmas month" weekend!

"A Ravenous Wolf"

2010-11-26T14:12:00.005-06:00

Ben recently informed me that this is the other definition of his name besides "son of my right hand" - I think it fits! He is my favorite person in this world & I would like to wish him an amazing 30th birthday! Here are 10 of my favorite things about this guy...

His solo interpretive dancing skills
How he can invent games at will with random objects
Being a fantastic daddy to Cali
How he sings Carol of the Bells with me in barks & meows
Even after 7 yrs, we still have our own couple language
His introspective thought process
When we walk up stairs, he spanks my butt (usually at church)
His FD (final decision) skills
How he secretly loves to cuddle every night in bed
He's my sugar daddy & works hard to provide for our little family

I love you, b!

Packin' Heat Like an NFL Player at a Nightclub

2010-11-24T09:29:00.001-06:00

9 PM Last night
Ben: We need to start packing for tomorrow.
Monica: You know how I pack. I don't feel like it tonight.
Ben: You know what I like to do when I don't want to pack?
Monica: DANCE!
Ben: Exactly!

I then proceeded to dance, solo as usual, to a Genius Playlist on the iPhone, starting with the song Hangin' Around by Counting Crows, for the next 30 minutes. One of the advantages of having all wood floors is that the dancing can carry on to any room! Monica read her book about a girl who apparently mutilated herself with tattoos of dragons (What?!?! No vampires!). Finally, we went to bed...unpacked!

I've Got a Bad Case of Lovin' for You

2010-11-16T14:24:00.000-06:00

Post Lunch Conversation
Monica: You really need to give me more positive reinforcement for all the times I get water instead of Dr. Pepper, like I did today.
Ben: I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I assume you are getting water because you want to.
Monica: Well, all I get is negative reinforcement when I get Dr. Pepper, even when I've gotten water the last ten times before getting Dr. Pepper.
Ben: That's not true. Negative reinforcement is really positive reinforcement for you when it comes to Dr. Pepper ("and most others things," I thought, but did not say).
Monica: You're right about that.
Ben: What's with you and all this talk about "process"?

I think this stuff would make a good comic strip. Also, I beam with pride when my wife speaks about process, except when she uses it against me. That's it! Our comic strip will be called "Processed Benica," which kind of sounds like a type of deli meat one should avoid putting on sandwiches.

Birthday Present

2010-11-11T07:26:00.000-06:00

Monica: I thought of something perfect for your birthday, and I need to know how much I can spend, because I know if I spend too much, you won't enjoy it.
Ben: Okay, $50.
Monica: It is an experience, something we can always remember.
Ben: Sounds like something you really want to do. You just want me to keep going up until it meets how much you want to spend.
Monica: <silence>
Ben: $150.
Monica: Deal.
Ben: I knew I should have started lower. Just take back that coffee table you bought and that should help.
Monica: No, that is an investment in our house.

If you carpooled with us every morning, you, too, could be privy to such stimulating conversation everyday. It would be worth the gas money we'd make you pay.

"There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income." Edmund Wilson

2010-11-05T10:13:00.003-05:00

My typing fingers are back by popular demand (i.e. one of my avid readers requested I put the "Friday" back in my Friday blog). Last weekend we drove up to Nashville for a super fun Halloween party. I know everyone has been dying to know what our most original costume idea was (drum role please)... we dressed up as none other than our friend's dogs, Little Mister and Little Sister!

We were a big hit, even though we only took home 2nd prize in the overall costume contest due to a pretty awesome Beetlejuice and Lydia couple. Where's Waldo?

My Office Quote of the Week
This week I asked "Hey good looking guy" how he was doing to which he responded, "My head is above ground, so pretty good." If that isn't a positive attitude, then I don't know what is.

The return of the cocoon. When Ben and I were dating, he and his roommate Austin had a funny habit of sleeping in their sleeping bags on the floor of the living room of their apartment instead of their beds. I saw this as a little odd and simply passed it off as one of those "guy things" I didn't quite understand.

Little did I know that the "cocoon" would become a constant companion to Ben in the winter months throughout our marriage. I've tried everything from complaining about the smell of this hideous green bag to referring to Ben as Linus with his security blanket, but nothing has worked.

What were you for Halloween this year or what has been your favorite Halloween costume of all time? Anyone else out there have a spouse who brought an unwanted item into their marriage that they can't seem to get rid of? Did you ever find Waldo? Enjoy your extra hour of sleep and have a beautiful fall weekend everyone!

"Halloween should be a day where we honor monsters and not be mad at each other."

2010-10-29T10:02:00.010-05:00

Did you miss me? I have pretty much been MIA since our Portland adventure, besides that last pondering life/Debbie Downer blog post I snuck in. I guess you could say that we've had the post-vacation blues. You plan and look forward to something for months, then you come back to everyday life. After you've made sure your house hasn't been broken into (is that just us?), pet your beloved dog and watch all the TV shows you DVR'd, you begin to wonder what you have to look forward to. In our case, it's Halloween!

The costume debate of 2010 was a doozy! Since we said our "I do's," there have been several disputes about Halloween costumes including what we should be, whether it should be homemade or prefab, and whether or not we should dress up in the first place. We are both against prefab costumes and the arguing usually commences when I pressure Ben to come up with the perfect costume idea - after all, he's the witty, humorous one.

I spent hours researching the internet for ideas and spouting off ones I liked just to have a grunt here and there from Ben which translates into "no" in man language. In the end, we went with one of Ben's original ideas and we will definitely be in the running for the Most Original Costume award at the party. Tune in next week for pics!

Cali is going raw. Has anyone seen the documentary Raw for 30 Days? We watched it several months ago and really liked the concept. We had a fleeting pipe dream of trying to go raw ourselves, but then we went out for juicy hamburgers and forgot about it. We took the philosophy of all good parents and decided to do something good for our dog that we aren't willing to do for ourselves.

The past 6 months Cali has been suffering from severe allergies and last week we started her on a completely raw diet. It will take awhile to see if this will be the miracle cure, but she LOVES it! It is a little inconvenient having to de-salmonella her dish, the counter tops and our hands at every feeding, but if this works it will totally be worth it!

What do you do to jump start your zeal for life post-vacation? What original Halloween costume ideas have you come up with? Has anyone out there tried a raw diet for themselves or their pets? I leave you with a sneak peak of our family fall photo shoot done by one of our favorite Oklahoma photographers, Mandy Stansberry.

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." Thomas Edison

2010-10-08T09:24:00.006-05:00

We are all waiting to be inspired. We were talking to our chiropractor yesterday and he was telling us about a wellness seminar similar to one we had been to previously. Ben jokingly told him that the last one we went to didn't make us change, so why would we go to another one.

I started thinking about how many things we've done and invested in lately to inspire us to change. It all started with one crazy book and an impromptu road trip to Taco Bueno. Ben bought me a nice camera, I trained as a home stager, we were trained in Japanese Reiki, I invested in marketing for my business, Ben is investing in office space to start a private practice, we have read countless books and watched countless movies about this subject, and finally we flew across the country to Portland to go to the Storyline Conference.

In a sense we've come full circle. It has been almost exactly a year since we started making investment after investment to be inspired. Are we living a better story? Are the characters in our story any different than they were a year ago? Have we created inciting incidents?

If a good story must include conflict, then we are some of the greatest storytellers of all time! We decided not to be on a mission team to Ireland that we were committed to and had trained with for over a year, while on a walk Ben decided that if this was what marriage is then he didn't want it, Ben's truck died and we became a 1-car family, my grandpa passed away, I went from working 40 hrs/wk to 10 hrs/wk nearly cutting our income in half, Ben made a professional decision that would potentially keep us in Memphis for 3 more yrs. Some of these were choices and some of these were just life ...all of them have been incredibly difficult.

What have you invested in the last year to inspire you? If you were reading a book about your life, would your character be exciting? If there's anyone in our family that's living a great story, it's Cali:)

Portland: An Inciting Incident

2010-09-29T15:50:00.011-05:00

We just returned from a 5-day trip to Portland, Oregon which is currently weighing heavy on our hearts. I feel like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire listening to Free Fallin' after having just been fired from his job, pondering the all important question we all ask ourselves at different intervals in our lives, "What now?"

Just as Tom Cruise created an Inciting Incident for himself, our trip to Portland was definitely an inciting incident that we will look back on as the launching point for some big life decisions.

Unfortunately, conflict tends to piggyback change and is ultimately how we grow. It seems much easier to just call it a day, not make any changes and watch more TV. Oh the comfortable lives we live, they are both a blessing and a curse!

I asked Ben today if he thinks he will have to tell our kids someday how their mom is crazy, to which he responded, "You really think I'll have to tell them?" I am usually the one who comes up with the crazy ideas and Ben is the realist who brings me back down to earth. Our goal now is to find a happy medium that we both want and can commit to.

Here's what all we squeezed into our trip in less than 100 words: Mark Spencer Hotel, Little Big Burger, Powell's Books, Kenny and Zuke's, Voodoo Doughnut, Saturday Market, Stumptown Coffee, Nike World Headquarters, Seaside Beach, Cannon Beach, Jake's Famous Crawfish, Eagle Creek Trail, Multnomah Falls, The Storyline Seminar held at the Gerding Theater at the Armory, Henry's Tavern, test screening of independent film Sironia at Living Room Theaters, Clyde Common, city view at Portland City Grill, Columbia Employee Outlet Store... WHEW!

We also met a wonderful couple named Matt and Laura Corbin who were nice enough to take us hiking, show us around Portland and have us over for an amazing dinner in their home.

One of my best friends from college and her husband (Christel and Sam) who live in Houston also joined us on the trip. It's probably a rare thing that you have the opportunity to share a hotel room and put your make-up on with your college roommate several years down the road and we loved sharing this experience with them!

The Great Northwest Awaits

2010-09-23T14:33:00.000-05:00

We're headed up to Portland tomorrow for a little vacation in conjunction with Donald Miller's Living a Better Story Seminar. His book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years was/is a life-changer for us. We decided part of our story would include this trip to Portland as an investment in our lives. Plus, it's Portland, hello!

I was joking with Monica the other day because after being inspired by Don's book, we had some real excitement about a new story; however, as the inspiration dwindled and time moved on, we started a new story called "How to Try Without Really Succeeding." It's like we have these ideas and want to live better stories, but our efforts just lead to more of the same. And yet, sometimes the conflict to overcome in a story is self-sabotage...

In fact, as the saying should go, the more things stay the same, the more they change [in order to stay the same].

It's amazing what we will do to survive, yet what we are willing to endure not to suceed.

2010-09-10T15:18:00.006-05:00

Fallin' for Fall
Last weekend when I got my last pedicure of the season with my sis-in-law, I realized how excited I am about fall! This summer during the weeks of 100+ degree weather, I daydreamed about wearing cute scarves, brisk cool mornings and taking walks with Ben and Cali without almost passing out. Ben is excited about making crock pot stew and chili. Is there anywhere in the world that has fall-like weather year round? If so, sign me up!

Is Entrepreneurship a Trend?
I've noticed in a lot of movies lately the lead actor/actress owns their own business. In Love Happens, Burke is a motivational speaker and Eloise owns a flower shop. In The Back-up Plan, Stan takes over his parent's goat farm/cheese manufacturing company and Zoe owns a pet shop. The list goes on and on and in every case it seems simple enough to be a successful small business owner.

Hollywood has fooled us once again my friends because I am here to tell you that it is not so simple! There are days that I wonder if anyone in this world will ever actually pay me to do what I want to do. Yesterday was one of those days and Ben promptly took me to Memphis Pizza Cafe (while scoring some major husband points!). I know, I know, it's the journey not the destination blah, blah, blah. I'm just having a tough time seeing the big picture where all of this is going to work out and I can be a happy, carefree business owner like Eloise or Zoe.

What Inspires You?
Another way to phrase this is "What gives you energy?" For me personally, it can be as simple as doing a mini room makeover or adding a few splashes of fall decorations to our home. I love buying fresh flowers and planning our weekly menu around fresh veggies we pick up at the Farmer's Market.

I like to entertain and to set our table with fun centerpieces and napkins. Organization is my middle name and I can't be much happier after tackling a disorganized drawer or closet. Traveling, ahhh traveling - experiencing new things, smells, cultures. Sleeping in, cuddling with Ben while watching a movie, listening to the rain...

What are your favorite things about fall? Is being a small business owner only for fictional Hollywood characters? What everyday things give you inspiration?

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. ~Gandhi

2010-08-27T13:21:00.009-05:00

"Benica the Tool Men" Thompsons
I have been on the verge of "going ape on our house" for awhile now in the form of home improvement projects. I've held off using everything from the weather to being addicted to HGTV where I watch OTHER people do home improvement projects as excuses. Today I took a big step and started the prep work for fixing the giant crack in our living room ceiling (of course while watching HGTV ...baby steps!). Ben has joked for awhile that when it's time to sell our house that we'll be able to sell it as a duplex, so I thought this was a good place to start.

Friends are Friends Forever
This week was probably one of the most emotional weeks of my life! We said goodbye to two of our bestest friends in this world, Craig and Merschon. As Ben said, they have been some major players in our lives and have been a part of our story ever since we arrived in Memphis almost exactly 6 yrs. ago. We were able to spend a lot of time with them last week reminiscing and telling each other all the things we love about each other.

This was not just a goodbye, but also a huge blow to my heart that we are not going to Dublin to be missionaries on the team with them. We are super excited to see how God works through them in Ireland!

Happy Anniversary to b and m
We also celebrated our (drum role please) ...7 year anniversary! Not too much to report. There were surprise flowers, a nice lunch and dinner and two Hallmark cards purchased that were never filled out because we got into our traditional "big days are too much pressure and we eventually argue" moods.

We have a trip planned to Portland in September that was supposed to be a belated anniversary trip, but now I'm going to say that it has nothing to do with our anniversary so it won't suck. Thankfully, the day after our anniversary we were back to normal and liked each other again. One thing that has kept us smiling in our marriage is Ben's humor. The pic below shows what happened when I dragged Ben to Michaels one day - gotta love that guy!

Anyone have any big fall home improvement projects planned? How do you stay motivated to accomplish said projects? Are there any other couples out there that suffer from "anniversary paralysis" when it comes to making that day perfect? We'd love to hear your feedback!

"And may my love travel with you everywhere Yeah may my love travel with you always." TP

2010-08-21T10:23:00.008-05:00

Workaholics Anonymous
I sit here at Panera alone this Saturday morning while Ben entertains 4 ladies at our house. You heard that right, the past several weeks I've lost Ben to these women because they have had meeting after meeting after meeting. They are the other therapists that Ben is partnering with to share office space for his private practice. Of course, this may be nothing compared to the night and weekend hours he will spend apart from me when he starts seeing clients.

We have somehow managed throughout the course of our marriage not to become workaholics. Unfortunately, it seems inevitable that, to take that leap of faith we've both committed to in pursuing careers out of who we are, this may have to be a chapter in our story. Ben will soon be balancing working a full-time job with starting a private practice. Someday, I will be balancing having a home staging business with being a full-time mom.

Ultimately, our goal is to both be working part-time with full-time incomes because we are so awesome at what we do. Then we will both be able to play a big part in raising our future children (ScreamFree, of course).

My New Goal
This may sound silly, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I admire people who seem truly happy and content about where they are. It seems that in life we are constantly looking forward to the next step... kindergarten, junior high, high school, turning 16, college, turning 21, finishing school, starting a career, getting married, buying a house, getting a puppy, having kids, getting those kids out of the house, becoming a grandparent, retiring, traveling.

I think I tend to miss out on the good stuff because I'm so anxious about the next step. I want to love the city and house I live in, the number in my bank account, the things I have, the mistakes I'm making and learning from, the point I'm at in my faith, and the people I share life with right now.

Dud
That would be an accurate description of the early anniversary present I gave Ben yesterday. I had this brilliant idea when looking for a gift for Ben on the internet last week that I would give him a piece of art and that could become a tradition (I heart traditions by the way!). The problem was that I may have chosen a piece of art that was a lot more me than him. He likes it, but you could see in his eyes that he saw this as an "excuse" for me to get something that I really wanted. Back to the drawing board I suppose...

I can honestly say that this past year of marriage with Ben has been the toughest yet. We both grew and challenged ourselves, and in doing so our marriage, more than ever before! We stopped being content in life and took leaps of faith.

I can also say with absolute certainty that Monday when we celebrate 7 yrs. together that I love and want this man on a level I never thought possible. Every single day he challenges me with his thoughts, his actions, and of course his humor. When I said "I do" I had no idea the adventures in life we would share. I love where we are right now and where we're going. I love you, Ben. Happy Anniversary, baby!

A Funny Story and Quick Update...

2010-08-16T15:46:00.005-05:00

Ben-1, Monica-0
This Memphis summer has been sweltering to say the least! Several nights right before bed, Ben and I have debated about whether the ceiling fan in our bedroom was rotating the right way because we could hardly feel any air blowing. A couple of those times Ben suggested that these ceiling fan air filters I put on the top of the fan blades may be causing the problem. I, being the self confident wife that I am, scoffed at this idea - I mean why would they even be allowed to sell such a thing if that were the case?!

Last week, as I was about to enter my usual hot sleep coma and was too tired to protest, Ben took off the air filters and WALA! Magically the fan became like Ooook-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain! We have enjoyed sleeping in much cooler conditions and Ben has enjoyed rubbing it in my face that he was right. I have to give him one every now and then.

411
What have we been up to you may ask? What HAVEN'T we been up to is the more appropriate question. I have been on road trips to Hot Springs, Springfield and Nashville within a 2 week span. I celebrated my big birthday with friends and family and Tom Petty was very excited to see us at his concert in Nashville! I will leave you with a couple of pics from the concert and with the anticipation of the return of my regularly scheduled Friday blog this Friday...

Epic 3-Day Battle with the Lawn Mower

2010-08-12T07:48:00.001-05:00

I don't have the greatest history with yard equipment. The fight is usually not pretty and does not usually end well. At some point there is a comical scene where I end up hurting myself trying to show the yard equipment who's boss.

So, when the lawn mower quit starting on Monday, I knew it would be another battle in the war on lawn equipment...

Monday, I pulled and pulled on the rope with the handle that is just a little too small for an average human hand. After pushing the primer bubble 10x more than needed, the thing still wouldn't start. In my frustration I put the mower back in the shed and proceeded to slam the door shut. <SNAP> ...the force broke the handle off the shed door. Lawn equipment 1, Ben 0.

Tuesday, I let all the excess gas drain from the over priming on Monday and proceeded to try to start it again. No luck. Beat the learning curve, Ben, you can do it! I stopped trying to start it and took the air filter off the mower and it was caked in 6 years of oily, gassy gunk. I cleaned it and tried to start the mower again...nothing. Moving up on the evolutionary scale exponentially at this point, I went to Home Depot and bought a new air filter and read on the package, "Replace this every 3 months or every 25 hours of operation." Whoops! Hoping this would be the salvation, the turning point of the war, my Saratoga, I installed it. Victory! The mower started for 30 seconds and then died, even with an oil change. Mower 2, Ben .5 points for not hurting myself or breaking anything.

Wednesday: Thinking back to Home Depot, I knew I had to go back like Jack Shephard knew he had to go back to the island. I had to get a spark plug, especially after seeing how burned up the one was that I pulled off the mower. Spark plug replaced, engine primed, cord pulled...BLAST OFF! Battle won! This thing purred like a cat that just figured out how to receive love without having to give any back.

On another note I must admit that this mower has not been running well for 4 years. Rather than doing anything about it, I just figured each mow might be its last. Like a good American consumer, I thought, "I'll just buy a new one when this piece of junk dies" (albeit, due to my neglect of oil changes, spark plugs, and air filters). I was not motivated to do anything to take care of it until it didn't work anymore, but I had plenty of motivation to complain about its quality along the way. Isn't that life for so many of us? It's not much of one, that's for sure!

Friday Blog Susbstitute--The One Call Resolution

2010-07-30T14:17:00.000-05:00

So, I am guessing with Monica's awesome birthday entry, that she would take the day off from blogging. I could be wrong, but I'm going to go ahead and not ask her. Oh, that just happens to be what I am going to write about today.

I have observed the One Call Resolution lately. The One Call Resolution is a term I use to describe those things that you don't know, but could know by making one phone call. I guess you could also use email and face-to-face conversations as well. I think the fewer degrees of separation between you and your answer, the weaker your excuses are about why you don't have that answer.

For instance, we want a second car. I need to make one call to the local credit union to see how we can get a loan and for how much. I've known this for a long time, but continue to make excuses about not knowing if we can afford a car. Based on the Resolution principle, my excuses about not getting the answer are exceptionally week because there is only one degree of separation here.

Why do we keep putting off things we could know by making a simple call? If we apply this idea to the relational aspects of our lives, it seems to make more sense. I mean how often have I assumed somebody thought or said something about me, but I never made a call to find out if it was true? How many times have I thought, "I wonder what so and so meant when they said such and such?" Why is it harder to make a call than it is to complain about how I don't know know what is going on?

This seems like one of those things I should blame on Satan! He/she/it seem to get all the credit for emotion and anxiety these days!

And that, my friends, is what I call a blog comment squasher! Have a great weekend!

What's in a Birthday?

2010-07-28T10:05:00.009-05:00

Here I sit on my 30th (that's right, I admit it with pride) birthday treating myself to a bday bagel at Panera. Some might say that I make too big a deal out of my birthday and that it is a classic case of "oldest child" syndrome. I am one of the only people in our group of friends that still has a bday party year after year. It's like as we get older, we're supposed to feel less special on this day. I break all the rules and relish in feeling special and loved and able to do anything I want!

A good friend asked me last night, if I thought back when I turned 20, who I thought I would be and what I would be doing by the time I turned 30. In the summer of '00, I was about to be a junior in college and was preparing to go on a study abroad program that fall semester. Oh the things I learned on that trip and how it changed the course of my life! I had done very little traveling prior to that and then somehow by experiencing different cultures and realizing just how big this world is, it became a part of me. Since then I have continued to add stamps to my passport and have made it a priority.

At our families going away dinner for Pac Rim, the speaker told our parents to look around the room because he said it was very possible that their future son or daughter-in-law were there. That ended up being the case for us because it was that fall that Ben and I first met. About a week into the trip at the Summer Palace in Beijing, Ben and I went under a bridge together in a boat that we were told by our tour guide had a legend that whoever went under the bridge would be married someday. What an amazing man I have been blessed to share life with these past 10 yrs!

Finally, I think of how confused I was entering my junior year of college still not having declared a major. My degree and the knowledge I obtained during those years was great, but the life experiences and people I met helped shape who I am today to the core. I have had several careers since then and have learned things about myself in all of them. I don't know back then if I would have ever dreamed I would be 30 and own my own business, but here I am doing a job out of who I am and my gifts.

Throughout my story of travel, love and career I am feeling beyond blessed on this, my birth day!

Wanting a Better Marrriage Story, Take 1

2010-07-22T08:09:00.004-05:00

In a turning point of our marriage, I had a forbidden thought for a married Christian man and summoned the courage to say it out loud:

“If this is how our marriage is going to be, then I'm not sure I want it.”

Expecting my wife to respond with the fury of God Almighty, she surprised me by thinking about it calmly on the outside, although I had offended her on the inside, she later told me. By the end of our walk, however, we decided to have the marriage we never wanted because we were too busy needing it. In other words, we wanted a better marriage story, because this script sucked.

Marriage is hard when it is about meeting each other's emotional needs and striving for an unrealistic compatibility--I've tried and I've just ended up losing myself trying to be someone I'm not. The result is always two needy people. If marriage is about meeting needs, then I will make sure I have needs my wife needs to meet. If all our previous efforts to be more fulfilled by the other failed, then we had a choice: we could either spend the rest of our lives in a story similar to that of a carousal horse, or we could live something that doesn't spend forever going in circles with the fear that a fat kid will sit on us.

In the next year, we plan to do two things. The first is to live our own separate lives creating stories that don't fully depend on the other. We are committed to supporting each other without functioning for each other because we found that getting over-involved with the other person's story always makes the over-involved one the conflict to overcome in that story.

I would rather not be the conflict that Monica needs to overcome to achieve her goals. It would be much nicer to be her husband.

As a result, on a career level, we are both starting new businesses that play to our God-given, life-developed strengths--Monica as a Professional Home Stager, and Ben as a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. One tiny vow we've already made to each other is this: "I, insert name, will not tell you how to run your business or do your job."

The second thing we plan to do is to preach the good news of living a better marriage story. We don't know exactly what this looks like and don't want to tie ourselves down to a definite plan, but this message is beating in our hearts right now. All we know is that wanting our marriage is so much better than needing it! A story worth living is a story worth talking about, so our first goal is to live more fully by taking risks and seeing challenges in marriage where we used to just see roadblocks. We've filled up white erase boards with our story and our ideas to impact others with it. In Portland at Don Miller's seminar, we hope to experience new ideas and thoughts to impact our stories even more; plus, we also want to go to the Saturday market...

At this point I read the rules for the Don Miller "Living a Better Story Contest" and realized I needed to be a bit more specific and that it was way too long! However, I loved what I wrote so far and thought I would post it.

When you decide to be something, you can be it.

2010-07-16T15:41:00.008-05:00

Just Call Us Roger Ebert
We have been movie watching fools lately! I would much rather be in the great outdoors walking our exercised deprived puppy, but the 100+ heat index temperatures will not allow that. Here's our tally from this past week: When in Rome (F-), Date Night (A), Bottle Rocket (A), The Bounty Hunter (F), Leap Year (B+), The Departed (A) and we plan to see Invictus, Inception and possibly Eclipse (A+) again this weekend!

The Biggest Loser - Thompson Style
Ok, so not really, but I did stick to my goal of doing Barry's Bootcamp three times this week and it feels great having a regular work out routine again (I don't think that's happened since the summer before Ben and I started dating - gasp!). Let's just say that my motivation is that we want to have a baby SOMEDAY and I would like to start with a healthy slate.

I'm getting into more of a regular schedule with only working two days a week and I am choosing to be productive rather than being an HGTV couch potato (oh HGTV how I love you, let me count the ways...). I even began doing my first pro bono home staging job this week, so stay tuned for before/after pics!

What's for Dinner for Dummies
After talking to several couples, I realize that we are not the only people on the planet that have trouble planning meals, going to the grocery store to buy ingredients for said meals and actually following through by making them. This issue spills over into other areas of our lives as well such as our budget (since most of our money goes towards food) and communicating (when we're at our worst, which is usually at the end of the work day when we're both tired, hungry bears).

Our recent health kick has made this even harder since we're trying to buy healthier food. This week I had had enough! I made a list of 5 meals, went to the grocery store and we actually made dinner at home every night AND took our lunches several days - ahhh, sweet success! We are trying to take baby steps and hope to expand our pasta/pizza/soup and grilled cheese menu.

We Go Places
I had a co-worker ask me this week where I'm going. I was confused by the question thinking he was asking me if we were moving, but he just said that Ben and I seem to always be traveling somewhere. I took it as a compliment because I like to be someone who goes places. I confirmed by telling him that we have a weekend trip to Nashville planned in mid-August to see Tom Petty in concert and that we're headed to Portland at the end of September for our belated anniversary trip.

My previous post about arguing was meant to be thought-provoking, nothing more, nothing less. I got a different impression when my parents called to console me after reading it. No worries, Ben the hen and I are back to our fun and crazy life together! Anyone watched any must-see movies lately? What has motivated you to stick to a regular work-out routine? What do you eat for dinner? Happy weekend everyone!

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

2010-07-10T15:21:00.008-05:00

This past week has been crazy town at the Thompson household to say the least! We were able to spend time with lots of friends over the holiday weekend and even caught some fireworks that weren't being illegally shot off on our street. Contrary to the smiles you see above, on Wednesday WWIII broke out in our home and it was NOT a pretty site my friends...

I know that some couples argue a lot and some couples rarely ever argue and I don't think one is better than the other (depending on your definition of arguing). We happen to be one of those couples that have lots of discussions about things and situations that we disagree on, but we only have knock-down, drag-out fights every once in a blue moon.

The best part was that Ben's parents were coming into town on Thursday for a few days. I'm 99% sure that Ben somehow planned the timing of this fight because it got him out of virtually ALL housework in preparation for their visit. We were speaking to each other when necessary and giving pity hugs goodbye (you know, just in case one of us died), but otherwise you could have cut the tension between us with a knife!

Amazingly, several things happened that made me completely flip-flop the stance I was digging my heals into the sand on and we were able to kiss and make up (not because I was in any way wrong of course). Most of our super-size fights all stem from the same basic issue: one of us is trying to force the other one to change in some way.

So what do you guys think about arguing in marriage? Is it healthy or should people that love each other never argue? How do you balance focusing on yourself and your stuff while also living with your spouse and their stuff? Stay tuned for a new book coming out on 2.1.11 called ScreamFree Marriage by Hal Runkel for a very different and insightful approach to marriage.

The Walgreen's Phenomenon

2010-07-06T14:03:00.002-05:00

Have you heard of the Walgreen's Phenomenon? I hope not, because that means I didn't make it up and I am not as original as I thought. The phenomenon shows up at other stores, but is most pronounced at a Walgreens-type establishment (you know, places that unashamedly sell two liters of Soda for $4).

Here's how it works: You're doing your shopping for some item you just have to have and are willing to pay too much for, and you find it. At this point you decide it is time to go to the front of the 360-degree mirrored store and pay.

What happens next?

Apparently everybody else in the store gets the same idea at the same time--it's time to pay. By the time you get to the front of the store, if you are not first in line, you are now behind 8 people, 6 of whom must have spontaneously regenerated themselves there because you know they weren't in the store a few seconds ago. How in the world is everybody always ready to check out at the same time at Walgreens? And, this is a separate but maybe connected question, why is there always only one checker available at that time?

I have been reading a good deal about different quantum theories lately and actually believe there is more than meets the eye to the Walgreen's Phenomenon. I believe there needs to be some studies done to look for a change in the zero-point field that resonates in every person in the store and then that affects their collective consciousness--as if they are all becoming one.

This is different than the Walgreen's Conundrum which tries to discern why people buy food items at outrageously marked up prices when they could just walk across the street to a real grocery store.

"Yeah, but ain't it a blessin to do what you wanna do..." ~Shawn Mullins (Twin Rocks, Oregon)

2010-07-03T09:42:00.013-05:00

What a crazy past couple of weeks! It's been SO crazy in fact that I am blogging on a Saturday instead of my traditional Friday blog. Cali had a date with the vet yesterday due to a skin infection and after I had a meltdown (tears and all) while they were shaving big chunks of fur off her, I just wasn't feeling it.

Campy Camp
Last week at camp was a hot one! We had an amazing week out in nature with campers, staff and my entire family! The theme was "Take Heart" and focused on five scriptures where Jesus says those words to people he heals and forgives of their sins. Ben survived being around people for an entire week straight and enjoyed a break from work - he claims he even had some fun <gasp>.

I ♥ Twilight
Tuesday night I was sitting in a theater a little before midnight hearing people chanting "Team Edward", "Team Jacob" back and forth. A part of me wondered how I had gotten there and how I couldn't remember the last time I was up until 2:30 in the morning. Eclipse was fantastic and it was a lot of fun being there at the premiere with all the die hard fans! This was my favorite out of the three films so far - lots of action and lots more Edward/Bella oooey gooey scenes. I'm heading back to see it for the second time today while Ben watches World Cup games - ahhh, the beauty of compromise.

First Staging Gig
Bright and early this Saturday morning (6A) I had my first official event staging job. I know, I know, you didn't realize that home stagers can actually "stage" anything. A good friend of ours was in charge of hosting a Republican Club breakfast and he gave me the opportunity to stage the event.

I definitely learned a few things such as... ALWAYS wear your hair up in a ponytail when staging because you will get sweaty and DON'T accidentally light an American flag on fire at a political event in your flower arrangement while you are lighting candles (that didn't happen, but I was nervous). I also had to correct a man who kept referring to me as the "table decorator" and explain that I am a professional stager, not a housewife who does this in my free time.

Mostly though, I learned how amazing it feels to wake up in the morning (no matter how early) excited to do what you want to do. The thought of doing that every day is intoxicating.

Before

After

Milestone
In case anyone forgot to put it in their iPhone calendars, July 1st marked the first day of my birth month and as Ben revealed to the world in his previous post, this one is a biggie! We're trying to have fun with it instead of freaking out.

I do have one crazy idea about my birthday present I want from Ben - I'll give you a hint, it starts with a "tat" and ends with a "too". One benefit of being friends with people from high school on Facebook and being the youngest person in my grade is that I get to see all of them turn the big 3-0 before I do.

That's all I have for your reading pleasure for now. Stay tuned for more exciting "Not Yet 30 Nights" to report! Happy 4th of July everyone!

Not Yet 30 Nights

2010-06-30T14:11:00.000-05:00

Lately, we've taken up what we call "Not Yet 30 Nights." They consist of staying up too late with disregard for the next day and doing something fun, you know, like people under 30 do. Once we both hit 30 this year, we're afraid we will turn dreadfully boring, especially since we will be hitting 30 with no kids. That means a two things: no vicarious living options available via little ones and an increased pressure to have kids for said vicarious living.

Memorable "Not Yet 30 Nights" this week included staying up late on Monday night (okay, only 11:30) to watch a movie having something to do with pineapples and the dangers of drug use, and on Tuesday/Wednesday, Monica going to the midnight premiere of Eclipse while I stayed home and watched Wassup Rockers. I think Monica got back home at 3 AM. Only one of us had to go to work this morning while the other continued dreaming about eternal vampire love. I hope you can easily decipher who did what!

It was my Great Uncle Roy who introduced to me the term "draggin' bottom" (he used the a-word). What a good description of what I feel right now--of course, I am almost thirty...

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

2010-06-18T10:55:00.006-05:00

I would just like to state for the record that I am not writing a Friday blog because Ben wants me to. In fact, as discussed in his previous post, I'm surprised that I would ever write one again considering that strong will of mine. I am choosing to take it as a compliment that I am able to balance out our blog with my fun, witty, less serious posts. Besides, how can you say no to these puppy dog eyes?

Technology Hiatus
We are spending this next week in the great outdoors counseling at my dad's camp session in Missouri. Until last year, my phone did not even get reception there & I was forced to take a break from TV, computer, phone, blog reading, Facebook etc.

Unfortunately, I got my new iPhone right before camp last year & was mesmerized by all the bells, whistles & awesomeness that is the iPhone, so I cheated. I missed out on the one week of the year that I always look forward to for that much needed break from technology! I have vowed this year not to so much as update my FB status. Ben, on the other hand, says that he may die if he can't check the scores of the World Cup games, so I will be abstaining alone.

Systems vs. Twilight
This has been the theme of casa Thompson the past few weeks ...well that & some World Cup game that Ben has DVR'd playing in the background. Ben has been reading more crazy, insightful books about Systems Theory & I have been rereading the Twilight books for the third time in anticipation for the premiere of Eclipse.

I already have tickets for the midnight showing & am super excited! Ben is equally excited about systems & this makes for some interesting conversations. He will be explaining how family systems work with a gleam in his eye & I will pipe in about how that is like the Cullen family or Edward & Bella to which he will respond with "Sure" & an eye roll. Personally, I think we have way more fun conversations than the average couple.

Portland, Here We Come!
At the end of September, we will be flying out to the Northwest to celebrate our 7-yr. anniversary. We had discussed going to that part of the country anyway & then when Donald Miller (one of our favorite authors) decided to do a seminar there, the deal was sealed!

Planning vacations in our family is an interesting ordeal. Since I used to be a travel agent, Ben says I get to do all the planning & then throughout the process he has small heart attacks as the charges start showing up on our bank statement. Then we go, have a great time, rinse & repeat the next year.

Well, I'm off to get my biannual hair-cut. I hope you have all enjoyed my "completely my idea that had nothing to do with Ben wanting me to write it" Friday blog.

Blog Imbalances and Strong-Willed Women

2010-06-17T13:24:00.002-05:00

Our blog is trippy, as in I almost trip over myself when I look at our blog (I'll get commission from the Grandpa's League for that brilliant one-liner). The balance is off without regular Friday blogs. I've done my pleading to Monica and hope she can help the inner ear problem of our blog. Her Friday blogs are crucial to the order and progress of the world.

With that said, one of the worst ways to get somebody to do something is to will them do it. Have you noticed this? And yet, it is one of the most common strategies for change. If I can come up with really good reasons in my head for Monica do something and proceed to tell her why she should do it, I have now rendered myself almost completely ineffective. Rather than abandoning this strategy after it doesn't work, I get sneakier/more passive about it and throw in little comments like, "Our blog balance is off," or, "But the children LOVE the blogs" (adapted from Elf and to be read in the voice of a sweet nun).

I used to use the term strong-willed to describe my wife. I can't use it anymore because it puts me in a bind. If I refer to her as strong-willed, what is she really strong-willed against?* [Drop head, mumble level 1 expletive] My will! It is one of life's great ironies. One of my major marriage goals is to be unwilling.

As a result of this, when Monica is not paying attention to one of my brilliant expository lectures on why she should change or do something, the question changes from, "Why is she using that stubborn, strong-will again?" to, "Why am I trying to will her?" Of course, the answer to the latter is, "Because I know best." After all, I am now an LMFT--Licensed to Make Families Terrific! (More commission!)

Be careful, though, this might change the book you reach for when you are trying to deal with a "strong-will." This is where I am supposed to say, "And I've written that book," and have a pretty little link to Amazon where you can read reviews about how people bought my book for others who needed it more.

*Hal Runkel and Edwin Friedman are my main influences for this way of thinking.

Truth, Fluff, and Fake Prison

2010-06-02T14:13:00.001-05:00

You know what's worse than fake prison? Knowing you are in fake prison and feeling helpless about it. I have done my time in fake prison, and it's time to get out.

Lately, I have immersed myself in a world that tells me if I follow my dreams and ideas, I can be successful. In this world there is a premium on following what I am passionate about and pursuing it as my mission in life. If I break out of the limiting world I've created and accepted, they say, I have a very good chance at success. In essence, I can do what I love to do for a living.

But is this world true? Or is it part of a business plan to keep me buying into something that will make a profit for someone else. They have a found a great and vulnerable niche--those of us that feel unfulfilled in our lives and need a glimmer of hope that life is more than what we've accepted. Maybe the ones who create this world are only a tiny minority that have found a larger voice and larger bank accounts.

I'm choosing to believe them. They can cash in on my vulnerability. I have the passion, the message, and the vision...and I am ready to be successful. I have something I know the world needs, or should I write that I am something that the world needs. If I die, what I have will die with me!

Most of us are not in physical prison, and yet still feel trapped. Then, you run into annoying, yet compelling, people and books that tell you that you don't have to feel imprisoned. In fact, they say, there is a way out and you already have the key, because you are the key. Thanks for nothing! Now, I feel like I am in prison, but I am being told there are no bars and no guards, and the door is wide open.

Is it true or is it fluff?

I don't care anymore...I just want out of prison.

Are you in your skin?

2010-05-28T09:34:00.007-05:00

Miss me? I have spent the past couple of weeks living life & haven't made my Friday blog as much of a priority. As usual, us hippie Thompsons have been filling our heads with more inspiring, slap-you-in-the-face stuff. My dad has said to me countless times that from one year to the next, the only difference in you will be the people you meet & the books you read. I used to respond to this with an internal eye roll, but now I'm beginning to understand how true that is.

Starting A Business 101
I really wish I would have taken a course like this in college if such a class existed. Fortunately, I have a lot of amazing people who have given me great advice & wisdom. I was talking to my friend Bobbie yesterday & actually heard the words come out of my mouth, "I'm afraid my business will fail, so if I never start it, then I can't fail." It is truly amazing all the distractions you can find to do in 20 hrs. a week if you put your mind to it!

One e-book we recently read is called A Lazy Man's Guide to Success by Bill O'Hanlon which talks about not being afraid to fail. I feel like this book was written by future Ben because it envelops so many of his thoughts & this author is like a mirror image of him in many ways. Why do we talk ourselves out of success so much throughout our lives? Why do we continue to do the same things that are getting the same negative results? Why do many of us continue to go to mind-numbing jobs that we don't like? This book will give insight on all of those questions & more.

Part-time and it Feels so Good
Regardless of my hesitation in starting my business, I am absolutely loving working part-time! I feel like I have my life back & I can be me again. I realize that not everyone has this option (or is willing to live on a smaller income), but I highly recommend it. When I'm at work I am much more focused & productive because I want to make sure I get all my stuff done. The feeling I have on Thursdays driving away from the office at noon knowing that my weekend is beginning is priceless. I think I'm about to drive Ben crazy with all the home improvement projects I think up, but secretly he loves it.

Farewell, Friends
We are about to say goodbye to two of what I call our "staple couple friends." I am either going to be an expert on how to let go of the people you love in a healthy way OR have abandonment issues the rest of my life by the time this is all over.

I honestly never thought when we moved to Memphis nearly 6 yrs. ago that we would still be here, but we have experienced more growth during this time than I ever would have imagined. Much of that is due to the friendships we've made here. I know this is cliche, but I feel this is all happening for a reason which will soon be unveiled. Besides, after watching the LOST finale I'm pretty sure at the end of our lives all of our friends will be waiting for us with smiles & hugs in a church once we've all worked out our stuff in our sideways world.

I leave you with several pics of our 'b & m's business trip o' fun' in Nashville last week. Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend!

What would a trip to Nashvegas be without Maggiano's?

Ben bringing me an amazing chocolate cupcake

= Best Husband of the Year Award!

Iron Man 2 = awesomeness

Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.

2010-05-07T10:01:00.005-05:00

Here I sit in a coffee shop on a Friday morning with the nagging feeling that I'm supposed to be at work. I also have a weird sense of deja vu since it was 2 yrs. ago this June that I quit my job & spent many hours in coffee shops soul searching. The difference is that this time I know what I want to do & I just have to figure out how to convince people to pay me to do what I love - no biggie, right?

On the Fence
Ben ordered another insightful, yet incredibly frustrating, documentary called Raw for 30 Days which chronicles six Americans with diabetes who switch to a diet consisting entirely of vegan, organic, uncooked food in order to reverse disease without pharmaceutical medication. We are considering trying this for a short time to achieve optimal health, but our elephants keep getting in the way.

The Ultimate Marriage Test
As Ben mentioned in his previous post, we spent most of Monday doing a lot of spring cleaning. After the pile of stuff we intended to donate got bigger & bigger, Ben said those 7 little words I've been waiting to hear since we tied the knot... "Maybe we should have a yard sale?" to which I responded, "YES, I thought you'd never ask!" Since then I have been like a bumblebee buzzing from room to room, cleaning out every nook & cranny. Ben, of course, begged to take back his suggestion & now can't wait for it to all be over. My goal is to make enough money to replace our $50 couch that we've had the past 6 yrs. Wish us luck!

Pet Peeve of the Week
I'm sure many of you have had the experience of using an automatic paper towel dispenser in pubic restrooms. I'm not sure if my DNA is vastly different than normal humans or what, but they NEVER work for me! I look like a crazy person waving my dripping wet hands up & down forever before it will work.

Now, I will say that I have had unpleasant experiences in the past with other automatic devices. I once got my entire arm stuck in an automatic door at a grocery store because I tried to open it like a regular door & it sucked my arm in. It got even better because I couldn't get the door to close & release my arm since I was stepping on the mat & couldn't move - that was both traumatic & embarrassing! I do like the sanitary & environmental purposes behind these contraptions, but I just wish they would make them usable for the average bear!

In honor of the National Day of Prayer yesterday, this is Cali praying not to have to take a bath...

And these are the beautiful flowers that bloomed last week in our front garden...

Happy spring, everyone!

A Critical Sense of Non-Urgency

2010-05-04T13:51:00.000-05:00

This weekend I was kind of studying for my final Marriage and Family Therapy test before licensure, but mostly debating whether or not to attempt going to Nashville to take the test on Monday. It became obvious I would not be taking the test when I-40 was still shut down 5 different places between here and there at 9 PM on Sunday night.

Having already been approved for PTO, it also became increasingly obvious how much I would not be going to my job. So, we just slept in and had a day of fun. You may be thinking a day of fun means a Farris Buehler's Day Off re-enactment scenario, but it actually turned out to be a day where we cleaned some junk out of our house and found enough stuff to host a decent garage sell. The only thing that could have made it better was having an epiphany and realizing how to make Windows 7 better, so it could have been my idea.

This led me to educate my wife on the idea in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Covey of spending more time in the important/not urgent quadrant. When I say educate my wife, I mean telling her an idea I really need to tell myself, but doing it in such a way to protect my pride. I didn't go to "man school" for nothing!

Hanging out in the important/not urgent quadrant for a day is a lot of fun. Getting rid of junk and papers now and knowing someday we'll be moving without them produces a nice feeling. I've found dealing with junk and excess stuff when in the important/urgent quadrant produces a less desirable feeling and increases the chance of profanity.

I encourage us all to take time for the important/not urgent stuff in our lives. It is usually easy to notice what this stuff is, because we've been consciously avoiding it--the messy desk, the continuing education courses, an oil change in the car, the date we promised our spouse, etc. Careful, though, because time in this quadrant can be addictive, and can even lead to wonderful things such as taking steps towards a better career, better health, and better relationships. Of course this is all confusing because we say these are the urgent and important things, but live lives that are too busy to focus on them. Don't worry if you can't do this, because I've found if I wait long enough, an illness or a threat of loss will bring these things back into focus every single time!

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

2010-04-30T08:22:00.010-05:00

Happy Friday everyone! That amazing quote is by Howard Thurman & has really impacted us this week.

The One with the Sharks
Usually when we get home from work we watch Friends & Seinfeld on TBS. This week I saw an episode of Friends that I had never seen before which was like finding a $20 in your winter coat. This episode aired on October 17, 2002 which was around the time Ben & I started dating & we were probably making out like bunnies instead of watching Friends (it’s ok mom, I can say that because we are married now).

I also saw the finale of Seinfeld which I had never seen after all these years & although I was prepped to be disappointed from every Earthling, I thought it was true to form. This originally aired on May 14, 1998 which was right around the time I graduated from high school & I was in one of those drama-filled HS relationships, so that makes a lot of sense. Ben was shocked that I had never seen the finale, but I argued that back in the day you couldn’t just watch TV shows online, download them on iTunes or buy them on DVD. No flying cars yet, but at least we have that going for us!

Random Quote of the Week
“But there are singing cats on TV!” Ben (said while justifying turning the TV off mute while I was telling him a story that I had prefaced with “Are you listening to me?”)

What’s in a Name?
As all you loyal blog readers know, my absence last Friday was due to my home staging training! It went great & I am still processing everything. Beginning next week, I will be going part-time at my job so that I can focus on starting my home staging business which I’m super pumped about! One of the top things on my list is to come up with a name for my business. I am up for suggestions with the following stipulations:

the word “stage” or “staging” needs to be in the name
I would prefer it not be location specific in case we move
I will not be wasting $ to be listed in the yellow pages, so it doesn’t need to begin with ‘A’ so that I will be listed first
I’m looking for something catchy, short & sweet

On the second day of training we got to go to an actual house on the market in Nashville, break up into small groups & stage one room. This was our room before:

And after:

Yep, that's what I do! Well friends, I hope your lives are as exciting & terrifying as ours are right now – that’s what makes the story fun, right? Here’s to taking the leap & never working another Friday again for anyone but myself!

Heavy Blankets and Horses at Night

2010-04-19T11:39:00.001-05:00

Occasionally I have a good nightmare. I define a good one by its ability to transcend my sleep state and enter into reality-land. It must manifest itself audibly, physically, or both.

On Saturday night I was being chased by a man I had just helped after a bad go-cart accident. I ran to my grandparents' old house and began to bang on the door because I knew help was inside. I was screaming, "Help me, Help me!" Monica then woke me up telling me I was having a nightmare. I wasn't yelling "Help me" in the outside world, just unintelligible noises.

She cuddled with me for a few seconds, turned over, and fell asleep--leaving me to the post-nightmare, paralyzed fear state in the dark. How dare her! I was also really hot and way too scared to leave the safety of the covers to change the temperature.

Monica's home stager training is finally here this week and we are both excited; however, she'll be gone three nights to the young adult TN mecca Nashville. This means if I have a good nightmare, I will have to resort to the "pulling the covers over my head for a false sense of security" method. I've found the heavier the blanket the better the false sense of security.

I also have some nightmare reduction techniques:

No violent or scary multimedia watching after 8 PM.
No falling asleep with the TV on, even good TV.
Dealing with daily stress before I go to sleep.
Reminding myself that I can trust my dog to warn me of any problems on the outside world, and for her to tell me if anyone is under the bed, especially since she already sleeps halfway under it.
Whatever I do, don't fall asleep, especially right at midnight (thanks Mr. Krueger). I don't really follow this last one.

If all else fails, I can always remember how "nightmare" is a funny word. I mean really, I'm afraid of a horse at night? A wolf or a bear, maybe, but I think I can handle a horse.

So if you’re not the one telling the story, who is?

2010-04-16T10:57:00.003-05:00

Friday literally snuck up on me this week – gotta love that!

K-LOVE vs. Ludacris
Ben picked me up from work one day last week & when I got in the car he was listening to rap music. Our car radio pretty much stays continually on K-LOVE with two exceptions: 1. K-LOVE is doing their insanely annoying bi-yearly fundraiser or 2. Ben gets in the mood to listen to jazz music. I was a little taken back & thought possibly that my husband’s body had been taken over by a rap music listening alien. One song we heard included the lyrics “My chick bad, my chick hood, my chick do stuff that yo' chick wish she could.” Ben said something about trying to understand Memphis better, but I’m still betting on the alien theory.

Writing Our Stories
Yesterday, Ben & I both decided to write down our stories. According to Donald Miller, a story is just a person that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. We took a blank piece of paper & wrote “What is my story?” at the top, briefly described our current life situation & then told our exciting, adventurous story about how we wanted something (top secret stuff) & overcame conflict (unfulfilling jobs, unhealthy lifestyle, continuing to do more of the same) to get it. I can’t tell you how much energy I got from writing it down & because of that, I’ve committed to read my story every day for the next 30 days!

The Final Straw

This morning, Ben & I were getting ready in our tiny bathroom with one sink. Ben was shaving & I was brushing my teeth when I looked down in horror & realized that I was using BEN’S TOOTHBRUSH!! I will say that our toothbrushes do look exactly alike except that mine is pink & Ben’s is green on the back, so it was an honest mistake. I was torn between boiling the toothbrush in water while acting like this was a catastrophe in our marriage & simply continuing to brush like it was no big deal. Where do you draw the personal hygiene line in your marriage?

This weekend we have a fantastic camping trip planned with some close friends & next week is only a 2-day work week for me! The long anticipated home staging training is next Wed-Fri in Nashville & I am super excited! Next Friday around 5:30P I will be an ASP (Accredited Staging Professional). Very soon, Ben should get 4 little letters at the end of his name as well after he completes his final test, LMFT (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist). That rascal, he’s always trying to outdo me:) Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Shirting the Issues

2010-04-13T14:37:00.001-05:00

As a kid, all it took was a shirt to believe something about yourself. Some kids don't "go" as something for Halloween, they "are" that something as soon they fill the costume.

I bet I loved this shirt! I wish I still had it (in a larger size, of course). I have no doubt I believed I was the Hero of the Year. I bet it was more of an identity than a belief. My goodness, I wore it to a photo shoot!

I wonder when I quit wearing this shirt? Probably after it was stained, ragged, and too small, it didn't make the final laundry cut and went into a different bin.

I've worn a lot of shirts in my life. At some point point I began choosing the shirts I put on each day. I learned quickly which shirts to wear on certain days and around certain people. Sometimes I ask my wife what shirt I should wear. More often than not, I wear the one with the least wrinkles.

Then, there are those mornings when I open the closet and don't like any of my shirt choices and a voice in my head whispers that I'm crazy because 1) I have a voice in my head, and 2) I shouldn't complain about what I've got, much less consider shopping for new shirts. This is why a lot of my shirts are faded. I don't often wear the ones that are newer and brighter because I don't want them to get faded.

I bet when I was the age I was in the picture I knew exactly what shirt I wanted to wear! When did it get so complicated to choose a shirt?

In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

2010-04-09T10:12:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! We ventured to OK & had an eventful weekend with family & friends. I wore a dress, Ben wore a spiffy new polo & we got to watch our nephews & niece hunt Easter eggs.

Holy Antarctica, Batman
When we got home from OK on Sun, the house was very musty so I turned on the A/C for the first time this season to get some air circulating. After reprogramming our programmable thermostat for spring, we left Mon morning for work. Little did we know that we would come home to a refrigerator (58º) & that a kink in our thermostat would cause our A/C to run for 9 hrs. straight! Apparently, the wires were crossed, but Ben Vila called the thermostat people & was able to fix it.

Analysis Paralysis
This is a term we learned from a new book we’re reading called Switch. Basically, it means that when we are offered too many choices, our brains shut down & we feel incapable of making a decision. Ladies, if you’ve ever tried to pick out a hand soap scent from Bath & Body Works or guys if you’ve ever stood in the aisle at Home Depot scratching your head, then you know what I’m talking about.

I was at Target & found a water pitcher on clearance, but then I made the mistake of venturing to the water pitcher isle to see what ALL my options were. I was faced with pitchers in all different colors, styles, water capacity & numbers of filters included – ugh! I left Target empty-handed, but went back later in the week confident in my decision to purchase a cute, orange pitcher even though it wasn’t the best deal (Ben says we needed to “stage” our pitcher so that I will use it).

Thanks, Stranger
There are many things that you learn or pick up from your spouse that never would have even crossed your mind. One thing I’ve learned from Ben is the courtesy of getting over in the left lane at an intersection if you are the first car & are not turning right, in case someone needs to turn right on red. I have poked fun of Ben for doing this religiously many times over the years.

This week, we pulled up to an intersection & at the last minute Ben, in true fashion, changed lanes. A lady in a minivan pulled up next to us & avidly motioned for me to roll down my window (which in Memphis is always a little scary), so I did & she eagerly thanked us for getting over & said that not many people would do that. We both had a good laugh & Ben was beaming in pride for his good deed for the day.

Red Pill
Recently, since our better health kick, we have been getting those “you guys are turning into crazy hippies” looks from our friends. I feel like we are choosing between the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue) & embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red) when it comes to the food we eat & the chemicals we use. I don’t mind people asking us questions if they really want to know more, but sometimes it stinks when you feel like they are internally rolling their eyes. Our goal is to find a happy medium & to live longer, healthier lives.

Happy Friday everyone, I hope you enjoyed my novel blog! We plan to post pics from our Easter weekend shortly.

Two Things to Change Your Life

2010-03-31T14:16:00.001-05:00

First thing: We only choose 5% of our behaviors and reactions. According to some recent literature and research, about 95% of what we do is outside our awareness. We behave and react from a place we do not have conscious awareness. When did we develop the repertoire of responses in this 95%? F. Scott Fitzgerald nails it in the first line of The Great Gatsby: "In my younger and more vulnerable years..." One of my favorite opening lines of all time. Yes, when we are born to age six, we are basically walking around hypnotized, quite literally. Our early brain wave states matched those of adults under hypnosis. We were completely vulnerable to suggestion and took what we saw for the truth, including what we were taught to believe about ourselves. We are learning at exponential rates! Our parents represented our model of how to deal with the world through everything they did. If you have kids, you are their window to the world.

The last half of that famous Gatsby line is, "...my father gave me some advice I've been turning over in my mind ever since." In fact, we are turning all that information from our parents, siblings, TV shows, teachers, etc., over and over in our subconscious minds. Good thing we don't have to think about everything every time there is a situation--we'd surely die. So much of what we learned in our hypnotized state is very important. However, there are also some thought patterns and ways of relating to the world that don't serve us so well, and yet, we see our ways as normal, and further, not like our parents. Believe it or not, we are so much like our parents because they were major factors in developing how we see, act, behave, and respond to the world. If you know your in-laws, you know a lot about your spouse, and if you are not too bright, you bring this to your spouse's attention.

The second is this: Knowledge itself does not bring change. I can know it doesn't help to ask my wife 3 times if she really wants to eat at Jimmy John's--she has made up her mind and it is not helpful to challenge it. It just comes out and the consequences follow, which in this case, are an eye roll, a sigh of frustration, and a wife who no longer wants to make choices if she is going to get interrogated about them. But, my need to make sure she is sure of her decision comes from my childhood where it was "normal" and "rational" to second-guess decisions. We learned not to raise our hands because we were not really "sure."

So what makes the difference? In one word, intentionality. The more you are intentional with your responses, the more you are able to respond in more productive ways. This grows your "response-ability." The more I practice not second-guessing my wife's dining decisions, the more I can choose a beneficial response. The best part is that it really doesn't matter if you know why you say or do what you do, although a therapist can help you with that. What matters is knowing how to choose different responses that may not feel natural (indeed, they are not), but have better chances at being beneficial, and more importantly, getting your wife fed!

Two books to consider: Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton, and Switch by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

Essentially what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts her car to save her baby.

2010-03-26T09:28:00.012-05:00

Ben kinda stole my thunder for my Friday blog with his previous post about what’s been going on with us. Good thing I am creative & will just have to wing it!

Craigslist Fiasco
Last weekend we invested in a firmer mattress that we bought from our friend’s estate sale. Who knew you could sleep 10x’s better if you had support & weren’t constantly gravitating towards the center of your mattress where it sloped in the middle? After WWIII while trying to decide whether to get rid of our queen mattress or the full mattress in the guest bedroom, we decided to list the queen on Craigslist for $100.

We did get several inquiries due to my amazing staging skills that I used for the pic we posted. Unfortunately, our anxiety got the best of us & we opted to donate it to the DAV rather than dealing with the craziness that is Craigslist! Having nice people come pick up our mattress & feeling good about donating to a good cause won over dealing with strangers emailing & calling us with all kinds of deals & haggling.

Here are some small adventures that happened to us this week:

I saved 15 cents just by bringing reusable bags to Target & Whole Foods
Learning Japanese Reiki was actually fun & not as wacky as I thought it would be
I watched the movie Remember Me with a friend & am begging Ben to go see it with me again this weekend
Panera makes amazing bunny sugar cookies with lemon frosting around Easter
Apparently, Memphis humidity can make hand-tossed pizza look like thin-crust pizza
Watching movies where the actors smoke & drink all the time makes me want to smoke & drink
Ben is killing my buzz by buying documentaries about the way our bodies work & the food we eat

New Blog Segment Unveiling
I have a friend that is a home stager who had a great idea to blog about projects she does around her house. I love doing this kind of thing & have decided to incorporate this into my Friday blog in the near future, so stay tuned. This will consist of before/after shots & good deals I get because if there’s anything in this world I like, it’s a good deal!

On the way to work this morning I said to Ben, “Guess what I want to do this weekend?” to which he responded, “Probably a whole lot of stuff with me.” He was right on. We have been asking ourselves a lot of “What if…?” questions like, “What if we didn’t live for the weekends?” or “What if I started my career over from scratch?” The story we find ourselves in has a high probability of change & I can’t wait! Here’s to hoping that you do not “live for the weekends”!

Universal Self-Care

2010-03-24T11:25:00.009-05:00

The Thompsons are embarking on what we call "Universal Self-Care." We had to call a special session within ourselves and push through our resistance to make a change. We found ourselves in the critical place where we knew what we needed to do and were not doing it. Why not take an active part in our health, rather than feel crappy all the time? Monica also got tired of me complaining about feeling fatigued all the time, and I got tired of her telling me she was tired of my complaining.

So here's what we have done over the past month+:

Substantially reduced our sugar intake and almost eliminated high fructose corn syrup intake completely
Began regular chiropractic appts. and are actually sticking with the plan for adjustments
Participate in almost daily moderate exercise
Practice deep breathing, meditation, and Reiki self-treatments regularly
Bought a newer, firmer mattress which has greatly increased the depth of our sleep
Moved our bedtime to 9:30 and observe it almost every night (our bedtime was TBD every night)
Eat a higher percentage of organic food in our diet, esp. fruits and veggies
Eat more raw seeds and nuts, and switched to healthy whole grain bread
Decided in our minds based on solid evidence that changing our thoughts changes our biology and, as a result, have decreased the negativity and hopeless thought patterns keeping us and our energy captive

It has really been great and my energy has increased. Sometimes the sugar cravings are huge, but the craving to be healthy often overrides it. Of course, the problem with doing preventative and healthy stuff like this is that you don't really know what you are preventing, because you don't get it in the first place! However, we find this better than the current model of health in which we are the victims and taking medications or going to the doctor for whatever comes along "out of the blue" and affects us.

It is either take charge of our health and wellness or be charged by doctors and drug companies for them to take care of our health. Personally, it has been really empowering to choose better options (the other night at a get-together I had 2 cookies instead of 8) and to know I can make the difference--quite freeing!

Universal Self-Care is the change we need. When did we decide we couldn't heal ourselves? Whereas it will be great for everybody to have health coverage, it will be even greater for more people to have self-care, so the medical industry can focus on those who really need medical interventions. It is a Self-Care Revolution! Please join us! What are you actively doing to positively impact your health? We'd love your comments...

Wait, what day is today? Um, tonight is Ghost Whisperer. So Friday.

2010-03-19T11:20:00.010-05:00

American Girl

I have been a fan of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers ever since I got out of my Vanilla Ice phase around jr. high. My awesome best friend, Bobbie, introduced us & it was love at first sound.

Over the years, I have been involved in many road trips to see him in concert & I even decorated our guest bedroom completely around a TP poster (don’t believe me, come stay with us!). This summer shall be no different - we bought tickets to see him in Nashville this August!

Census Spensus
This week we received (drum roll please) our highly anticipated census form in the mail. For the past several months, we have been bombarded with cool, hip advertising on why we should do our part & more importantly, "get what gov’t money our communities deserve!"

Ben recently had the luxury of filling out our passport renewal applications, so I was voted to tackle the census. I was prepared with our laptop cushion, a pen & determination, only to be finished in all of 2 minutes. That’s right, none of those embarrassing height/weight/income questions. It was simple, short & sweet – the most anti-climatic event I’ve experienced in 2010.

Out of the Industry Loop
Has anyone ever had a previous job that you learned a lot in a specific area & then later on down the road felt out of the loop not knowing up-to-date info. in that field? I had one of those experiences this week when I was researching Caribbean vacations for this fall. Apparently, since Delta took over Northwest they have pulled the direct flights from Memphis to both Jamaica & Mexico - augh! After having been a travel agent several years ago, this was like a punch in the gut that I was unaware of this vital travel info.

I also had a similar experience when I could not for the life of me remember what “ERN” stood for after having worked several years at a health care technology software company & dealing with this term every day. It stands for Electronic Remittance Notice in case you were dying to know. Fortunately, I have not lost my ability to critique websites, which I learned at my first grown-up job working in web marketing – whew!

I don’t think I have ever been MORE ready for a weekend than today - & the weather is supposed to be beautiful! We are just doing the usual… you know, Sat breakfast at Panera, yard work, Japanese Reiki training, watching movies. Happy Friday, friends!

One Year Ago...

2010-03-17T07:33:00.001-05:00

Last year on this day, we were in Dublin, Ireland, for St. Patrick's Day. Today is a little bittersweet as I am aware that we are not in Ireland and are not going to be missionaries there, as far as we know.

If you have a chance, read the story of St. Patrick today. He was a prisoner in Ireland for several years before he escaped, only to move back as a missionary. Pretty bold guy! His missionary efforts were unusual in the sense that he didn't seek to change everything about the barbaric religions in Ireland in an instant; rather, he came alongside them with a new religion and let it mingle with their religions and customs. St. Patrick was not really following the missions model of his day. I love his patience with culture and his respect for it. I think we often try to change things too quick and can embitter and harden people with rushing into things.

Last year on this day, old people were selling shamrocks to us on the trains and we were on the coast of Ireland overlooking the sea. It was a great day with friends and family! Today, we both wore green and sat waiting for a freight train to go by on our way to work.

One year ago...

Maybe we're the last people on Earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog!

2010-03-12T11:26:00.003-06:00

The Best Laid Plans...
As you all know, we had planned 2 brainstorming sessions last weekend to help us focus on our secret plan to take over the world. Ben went to bed super early Fri night & then we both woke up in stinky moods on Sat. I was anxious about a baby shower I was co-hosting on Sun & Ben was just pouty & miserable. Regardless, we were able to fill up both sides of our dry erase board with lots of great ideas!

Dogs are Weird
A few nights ago, Cali woke me up moaning at the end of our bed. My mommy instincts kicked in & I jumped out of bed assuming she needed to go potty. When I opened the back door she looked at me like I was crazy, & then proceeded to drink all of the water in her doggy dish. I assumed she was just really thirsty & we went back to bed.

The next night, same thing. Ben got up & realized that the problem was that she had gotten “stuck” in all the shoes & clothes that we had let pile up. Keep in mind that Cali is extremely sensitive when it comes to “obstacles” in her way, so when she had tried to come over to Ben’s side of the bed in the dark she felt trapped – hence the moaning. I had no idea we had raised a princess.

Which brings us to our segment, called "Really!?! with Ben and Monica."
Monica: Really, US gov’t? You are going to mail a letter to 120 million households at a cost of $85 million just to tell us that in about a week we will be receiving our US Census form? Because you really should be wasting US dollars right about now. Ever hear of the economy tanking or the federal deficit standing at $1.9 trillion? Really.

Ben: Really? What's next? A mass mail out of packets to tell us we're going green? Al Gore, if he wasn't too busy driving around in a motorcade of SUVs, would not approve of this. Really.

Monica: And, really, US Census Bureau. Even the US Postal Service is barely bobbing their heads above water. There is talk about nixing Saturday mail AND no more money in the budget for those ridiculous hats or knee high socks. Really.

Ben: Yeah. Really.
Monica: Really!
Ben: Really!
Monica: Huh!
Ben: Huh!
Monica: Wow!
Announcer: This has been "Really!?! with Ben and Monica."

Well, we're off to the Show-Me State this weekend to spend time with my fam & to celebrate my grandma's bday. Don't forget about the time change & 1 less hour of sleep on Sat night! Y'all have a great weekend now, ya hear?

I cooked my way through Julia Child's cookbook. And now I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook.

2010-03-05T14:14:00.004-06:00

Oh how time flies when you aren't blogging! As Ben said, "You really need to write one, I can't keep the blog going all by myself, lady!" I have really enjoyed Ben's less serious blog posts lately.

Taking the Leap
Some exciting news that has happened in the past few weeks is that I am in transition of going part-time at my job. They are looking for my replacement & then I will continue working part-time. I will be focusing on starting my own home staging business as well as another business venture that Ben & I will be doing together. Am I terrified? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Do I feel like this is crazy? Definitely.

I see people I know left & right moving up the corporate ladder or starting a family or moving across the country or the world. The problem is that Ben & I dream big & the even bigger problem is thinking that our dreams may actually come true, if we just try. This week we invested in a 4×6 dry erase board which we found on Craigslist & this Sat we plan on having 2 brainstorming sessions about our secret business venture which will be unveiled shortly. Watch out world - here we come!

Thank you, hubby!
I was thinking the other day about how so often I focus on things around the house that Ben DOESN'T do rather than the things he DOES do. The following is a honey-do list of things I take for granted, but am incredibly grateful that I do not have to do:

pick up Cali’s poop in the back yard
change the air filter every 3 months
take care of bugs, spiders & anything in our house not human or canine (a bird actually flew into our house once)
yard work
changing the oil in our cars himself (I didn't realize there was an alternative to Jiffy Lube)
taking down & putting up our x-mas tree from the attic

I realize this blog is short & sweet, but I leave you with a pic of Ben & the newest addition to our home, Ben the hen! Happy Friday everyone!

Props to Mosa

2010-03-02T20:12:00.004-06:00

If you look beyond Bed, Bath & Beyond on White Station, you'll find Mosa. With a warm atmosphere and kind waitstaff, we found ourselves settling in quite nicely. Some atmospheres are just easier to get lost in conversation and Mosa provides it.

The crab cheese wontons were exceptional and lighter than most. The real payoff for me was the Thai Curry--spicy enough to get the nose dripping and yet not too spicy to render my taste buds useless for the rest of the meal. Monica had the Pad Thai and enjoyed it as well.

The only problem is I now know there is good Thai close and at affordable rates ($7-9).

A Picture from Nashville

2010-03-01T17:32:00.001-06:00

A Little Trip to Nashville

2010-02-25T10:54:00.000-06:00

I'm wearing a pullover sweater today, which means I am teaching at the grad school this afternoon. I enjoy teaching and make sure to have a good video each time. I teach in three 45-50 minutes segments because it is better for the brain (and staying awake).

We are leaving after the class for Nashville where I will be co-presenting about Screamfree at the TN Association for Marriage and Family Therapists. I am really pumped about this! I love presenting when I am passionate about something.

If that is not exciting enough, we are staying with our friends Clay and Katie. They have a house a little north of town that we haven't seen yet. We can't wait to hang out with good friends for the weekend and just relax. It is rumored they have some farm animals, too!

AND, of course, Nashville means Maggiano's--a place full of great memories and great food. Although, we might be overdoing it since we ate there last month! Not a ravioli-loving chance!

Lessons from a New Story

2010-02-23T15:25:00.001-06:00

On November 10th of last year, I wrote about my new story. I’d like to give you some updates:

I refer to myself less as “my character” in favor of “myself.”

I’ve learned that there are natural highs and lows in life, and the lows tend to last shorter when I see them as lows and not as a failure to stay high.

Life has become more about wants than needs. I want my marriage, I want to be healthy, I want to watch ice dancing…

I need my marriage less, and want it more. It is easier to put my shoes in my closet when I want my marriage.

Less expectation out of life has led to more fulfillment in life. I completely did not see this one coming! It’s like when I don’t need or expect things to happen, spontaneity and change become possible. Plus, when we don’t expect things to happen, things outside of our expectations can finally happen—miracles, anyone? I have experienced miracles.

Many of my views and beliefs have been challenged, including God. Because of these challenges, I’m developing a much richer view of life, faith, and God.

I see choice where I used to see helplessness. I wasn’t quite ready for all the power, and I am learning to harness a little more of it each day.

Life is way too precious to waste it blaming others. What shapes each of us is much greater than us—our family histories, our varied experiences, how we were cared for when we were babies, etc. This thought destroyed a barrier between me and my parents.

If you are too close to the project, you are the project. Things unfold only when I stop trying to keep them folded up, especially emotional things.

Perception and awareness are the greatest tools I possess. Most of the changes I experience are not because of external changes, I just started looking at things in a different way. Waiting for things to change without making changes myself is my definition of entitlement. I’ve been dis-entitled!

I’ve been holding back love from the world by not loving myself. Loving myself happens to be one of the greatest things I can do for the world.

~Ben

One of the Greatest Opportunities of All Time

2010-02-16T13:14:00.001-06:00

We know what fear brings and how it clouds our judgments and beliefs. We know we fear things until we understand them better. We often fight fear and do whatever we can to eliminate it. Sometimes we realize we we're only fighting ourselves.

So here we stand… America is becoming increasingly Muslim in population. Islam is growing fast in the West. Does reading that put fear in you?

Here’s my biggest fear: I will continue to believe that Christians and Muslims can’t co-exist peacefully. I mean, take a good look at history, and you won't find a lot of hope. Christians and Muslims have fought and still fight over people in order to convert them to religions of peace. I propose that for peace to be possible in the future, co-existing is a basic step, and cooperation is essential.

Where we stand is at a point where we can make a decision about the future of peace in the world. Two of the world’s most influential religions coming together in a country founded on religious freedom. It is overwhelmingly exciting and scary at the same time. Why? Because two of the world’s most influential religions also struggle to find peace within themselves. The term extremist does not just apply to one religion.

Peace needs a revolution, and here is the greatest chance we’ve seen, at least in my time. We have two great religions with peace at their core and violence in their present and past. How Christians accept Islam, and vice-versa, has everything to do with the future of the world. Will it be a fight, or will it be the greatest act of reconciliation we’ve seen in modern times? Will we be armed because of the past, or armed by the past? Will we use oil to anoint or negotiate?

This concludes some light reading for your mid-week.

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all.

2010-02-12T09:56:00.012-06:00

Is this not the most romantic thing you've ever seen? Last night we were driving around & Ben dropped the "I didn't get you flowers for Valentine's Day" bomb. He then attempted to convince me that V-day has become a material venture & told me that if love is based on him getting me flowers for V-day, then he doesn't really love me ...so we decided to have a loveless marriage. Then, we went to The Fresh Market & I picked out the flowers I wanted. Ben got a magnet.

Click here to read about our first V-day together as a married couple.

411
My mom thought something was horribly wrong when I did not post my usual Friday blog last week. I have been learning a lot of life lessons these past few weeks:

I should NOT read vampire books right before going to bed (I actually had a Twilight/LOST combo dream which put me over the edge)
I decided that it's ok to make big life decisions to do something good based on selfish reasons
Ben & I can destroy every room in a clean house in the course of a single day
I confirmed that we do in fact have the CUTEST puppy in the world regardless of how stinky she is
The gas light in our car is capable of completely changing our attitudes in the morning

Snow Days
Monday morning Ben & I rolled out of bed much too late & proceeded to get somewhat presentable for work. We were about to leave & Ben opened the back door to let Cali out. "Whoa baby, you need to come see this!" We were astonished to see 4" of beautiful, white snow covering our world! We both called our offices & sure enough it was an unexpected snow day.

Ben & I have very different views of snow days ...I love them more than chocolate & he mopes around & would rather be at work. Fortunately for me, Ben had been pretty stressed out at work & was able to enjoy spending the day doing donuts in parking lots, watching movies & reading our books like old people.

ScreamFree Review
Last week I had my 1-yr. official review & Ben had an impromptu 3-month review at work. Mine went well, I'm a good employee, do a great job, here's a raise, blah, blah, blah ...except for one minor issue. Apparently, some of my co-workers had made the observation to my boss that I have been on Facebook.

My ScreamFree response to this was, "Huh, I wish they would have said this to me because I would have told them to stop looking at my monitor & to get back to work." This relieved the tension & caused my boss to break out into a deep, rolling laugh. Ben thought this was a great response & applauded my effort to not triangle myself with my co-workers & my boss. What would our world be like if everyone only said positive things in the work environment?

I know that many more insightful & humorous things have happened to us in the past 2 wks, but this is your Friday tidbit. Happy Valentine's Day everyone - I hope you spend it with someone you love!

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love.

2010-02-01T11:12:00.006-06:00

Did anyone miss my Friday blog? We were snowed, or rather iced, in. To sum up last week in words: loss, unbearable, hurt, admiration, sadness, laughter, love, growth, peace. I said goodbye to my grandpa, at least his physical body. His memory, energy & love will remain with me always. Between the funeral & the snow day, I somehow managed to work a 2-day work week ...I could really get used to this!

Our Life in Pictures

We continue to capture our lives on film with our awesome new camera. Ben took the above shot of me & I love how it turned out. We ordered a book on how to use our camera, so be on the lookout for some more creative shots. Thankfully, Panera was open Sat morning & we had a brainstorming session about The Million Miles Short Film Contest we plan on entering. I love telling stories through pictures & video, so telling OUR story will be like icing on the cake!

Cabin Fever at Its Finest

If you ever want to put your marriage to a test, try spending 3 entire days together iced in at home. I think we made it all the way to Friday afternoon (roughly 6 hrs.) before risking our lives on the icy roads just to get out of the house. We watched movies (The Invention of Lying, The Hurt Locker & District 9 which were all great), organized closets, fixed our running toilet, bought new toys with our x-mas money (I got a Shark Steam Mop & Ben got a Vizio Sound Bar) & hung out with friends that lived close by in order to keep our sanity intact.

End of an Era

This week, Ben will complete his supervision hours needed to become a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (a.k.a. the reason we have been in Memphis the past 2 yrs. after Ben finished his masters degree). Did I think this day would ever come? No. Would I have thought in a million years that we would want to stay in Memphis after Ben finished this? No. Is this a huge relief both financially and emotionally? Yes. Am I extremely proud of my amazing husband for going through this process so that he can be a better therapist? Yes!

Well, I can't blog about too much so that I'll have something left for Friday. Tomorrow is the premiere of the final season of LOST & I can't wait! Here's hoping that everyone has a fantastic week.

Grandpa

2010-01-26T23:24:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow, our family will bury my Grandpa who lived an amazing life of 84 years. He spent the last 59 of those years being married to my Grandma. As you can see in the picture above, they were best buds and had a lot of fun together. I have learned so much about Grandpa and the story of his life in the past 24 hrs. For instance, I never knew that his middle name was Kelton or that Grandma was only 18 yrs. old when they got married! I didn't even know that he was a vet until I saw the folded flag in his coffin. I've heard story after story about how he reached out to others and showed them Christ.

I do know that he was a faithful, God directed, good man who loved his family very much. He has been a staple in my life ever since I was born and I don't know how many school programs, soccer games, band concerts and graduations he's sat through just to be there for me. He taught me how to fish and he always did fun things with us when we were kids. I am sad that he didn't get to meet our kids or get a chance to be a great-grandpa. His bear hugs knocked the breath out of you and I loved that. I hope to live my story in his footsteps in so many ways.

This has been really tough because I've never had anyone close to me die - it feels unbearable at times. I can't imagine Grandma or our family without him. His loss has definitely brought our family closer together, but there is a piece of the puzzle missing. It's been amazing laughing, crying and sharing stories about this man we all love and admire so much.

Grandpa, may you rest in peace and watch over us until I see you again in heaven - I'll be waiting for a big hug. I love you.

Our First Photo Shoot

2010-01-23T17:12:00.002-06:00

We recently purchased a Canon Digital Rebel T1i and went on our first photo shoot at Chickasaw Gardens. Here are our two favorite shots:

I don't believe in hypothetical situations - that's like lying to your brain.

2010-01-15T09:55:00.008-06:00

Is it actually Friday??? I wasn't sure what a 5-day work week looked like after having 3 weeks of 3-day work weeks - I must say that I prefer 4-day weekends. I'm purposefully not posting pics to this week's blog because A) No great pics were taken of this week's events & B) I'm hoping next week's blog pics will knock your socks off ...keep reading for details.

Friends A Plenty
I realized this week after having a conversation with my dad how lucky we are to have so many friends here in Memphis. There are many weeks that we are out with a different couple every single night & it's been so much fun investing in those friendships! This has not always been the case & I know the reason is because we've made a conscious effort to have meaningful conversations, make plans & create fun traditions ...plus, we're pretty awesome to hang out with. I will not take this life stage for granted & hope that even after our family grows that we will continue to make time to share life with our peeps.

ScreamFree Grieving
This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me since my grandpa's stroke. I have been extremely moody, irritable & I've felt like a sass alien has taken over my body at times because I've said some pretty mean things to Ben for no reason. Ben has been incredible. He has listened, cuddled, stayed up late watching movies, held me when the alligator tears came & even washed my hair for me. The biggest thing he has done has been not taking things personally or taking on my stuff.

The stress I've felt this past week has been overwhelming & I've tried to be conscious of that. Being ScreamFree in the midst of this stress has been a huge test for us individually & within our marriage & I can't explain to you how much more peace I feel by the calming presence Ben has shown. Someone said to me this week after having an in depth conversation with Ben, "He is a whole new man," to which I replied, "I know."

My Office Quote of the Week
No actual quotes this week, however I do find it humorous that most of the guys that work back in the shop refer to me as "Ms. Monica" which makes me feel like a teacher or something. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather them call me that than my suspicions of being nicknamed "Ice Queen" due to my blunt honesty & ability to under function rather than over function when it comes to putting paper in the copy machine.

Investing in My Story
So... this past week we made two major investments in my story. Ben told me a few weeks ago that he had decided to invest his x-mas money which didn't surprise me at all. What did surprise me was when he said that he wanted to invest it in ME by putting it towards a really nice camera which I've been wanting for years. You see, the character in my story is an awesome photographer & loves to capture life on film.

We also paid for & reserved my spot at a training weekend up in Nashville in April so that I can become an ASP (Accredited Staging Professional) Home Stager. Both of these were huge financial investments, but it was a surprisingly easy decision to make because the characters in our story don't hesitate or fear spending money on things or experiences that help us become our true selves.

Tonight is Benica date night! We're eating sushi at Blue Fin & then going to see comedian Brian Regan at The Orpheum. Tomorrow we plan to get up at the crack of dawn to get our car inspected, then reward ourselves with our traditional Sat breakfast at Panera followed by a "Memphis inspired" photo shoot with my new camera! Stay tuned in the near future for a whole new blog look. Happy Friday everyone!

Revised Unstandard Version of My Wedding Vows

2010-01-13T15:51:00.005-06:00

Love is patient... I will not always be patient with you when I am in a hurry.
Love is kind... I will not always be kind to you when I am not feeling good about myself.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... I will envy, boast, and be proud (especially when I feel insecure).
It is not rude... I will be rude--it just slips out sometimes! Other times I think I want it to hurt you--I'm wrong when I do that.
It is not self-seeking... I am not above self-seeking when I really want something.
It is not easily angered... I will be easily angered from time to time, especially when I feel threatened.
It keeps no record of wrongs... I will keep a secret tally of wrongs, dwell on them, and occasionally pull them out when I want my way or feel entitled to something.
Love does not delight in evil... It might go against what I want to do, but sometimes I will delight in evil and avoid the truth, even to your face. I need grace during these times.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... I will not always be able to protect you, trust you fully, have hope, or persevere.
Love never fails... I will fail you...

But love won’t, and I promise to do my best to love you and let love do its work in our relationship, as God is love, and is capable of perfect love. My failures will point to our need for His perfect love in our marriage.

A good man is not a perfect man; a good man is an honest man, faithful, and unhesitatingly responsive to the voice of God in his life.

2010-01-08T09:44:00.008-06:00

Hello blog friends! Have you missed me? I thought so - happy 2010! I realized today when sitting down to blog that this is why weekly blogging is key because it's nearly impossible to remember everything cool & funny that has happened in the past several weeks.

Christmas Rundown
We began our journey to Hot Springs with high hopes while listening to John Mayer's new album. I give it 3 stars because it was good, but I keep expecting something different from him & then it always sounds the same.

During our first year of marriage we went on a road trip to Colorado & downloaded a "road trip" CD which always reminds us of that trip & the first time we heard those songs. We've continued to do this ever since & it's been a fun family tradition to go along with Twizzlers (i.e. the most fun snack to eat & play air drums with in the car).

We had a blast with Ben's fam watching our nephews & niece open presents & taking time to have meaningful conversations. Then we trucked it up to Missouri & had a good ole' Griswold family Christmas with my fam including my grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins. My favorite Christmas present went to my cousin Chad ...it's a pregnant lady coffee mug - priceless!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
Since we're both having a milestone birthday this year, we decided to act old & stay in on NYE. A couple of friends came over & we made pizza, watched a movie & stayed up to watch the ball drop twice. On New Year's Day we hosted a brunch at our house & had 6 people of the 30 friends we invited come, but Ben got to make t-bones & eggs & it was a lot of fun.

Hibernating...
is pretty much what we've been doing since the holidays. We have been winterizing our house this week by putting plastic on all the windows, covers on the outside facets & dripping the inside facets so that our pipes don't bust. Ben has been eating, drinking & sleeping football & I've been attempting not to go into post-Twilight depression. He did voluntarily watch the movie Twilight with me & he liked it! Oh, & we began our first real attempt at a budget complete with a pretty awesome iPhone app on Jan 1 - so far so good.

The quote title of this blog makes me think of my grandpa. He is currently in a hospital in Florida because yesterday he had a stroke. He is a good man & none of us are ready to stop sharing life with him yet, so please keep him & our family in your prayers. Here's hoping that each of you develop a GREAT story in 2010!

"Life's Not Fair, Kid..."

2009-12-28T13:38:00.005-06:00

“But it’s not fair!”--the exclamation that rings out of kids and adults from 1 to 92. We all know the woefully uncomforting answer: “Life’s not fair.” When I hear those three words I think, “Really, is that all we’ve come up with?”

If you know me, especially lately, you may have noticed some deconstructionistic tendencies in my writings and thoughts. Why do we say what we do? And why do we accept what we say? Even more important to me is why we say things and then do the opposite.

Why do we respond to emotional statements with responses that squash the emotion? As if making a logical statement makes it all better. “It’s not fair!” can be a thought and emotion, but the response is always a thought. Once the response becomes a statement of fact, then it is subject to a whole realm of logic, and all sorts of conclusions you don’t want. For instance, if life is not fair, then there is no point of being fair if you want to survive. Or, if life is not fair, and I keep doing things to make it fair, then I am in an endless pursuit. “Life’s not fair” can put me in a pretty helpless predicament where I do desperate things to make life fair for me, which never works because it’s not fair. Try this: Because the government isn’t fair, it is okay for me to not be fair on my taxes in order to make up for the unfairness. (I hope this is not too hard for you to understand like the other stuff I write, Michael;).

Whether life is fair or not is a thought for plenty of debate. We will continue to build philosophies and religions around how do deal with unfairness in this world. Those still won’t help the emotions behind “It’s not fair.” There must be a better follow up statement to that statement that takes the emotion into account--a way to say, "Yeah, it can feel that way." Of course, we can always continue to pass the anxiety that we avoid from the emotion of that statement to the next generation and let them try to sort it out intellectually, as they accuse us of not being fair.

Next up, “Big boys don’t cry.” May it never be uttered in my home!

2009: A Year to Remember to Not Forget

2009-12-25T11:13:00.007-06:00

At the beginning of 2009, we were staring down the barrel of unemployment. Going from DINKS (Dual Income No Kids) to SINKS (Single Income) to NINKS (No Income), is not the progression we had in mind. With no idea what was going to come next, we jumped in the car and drove to Oklahoma with no idea how long we would be away from Memphis. By the time we made it back to Memphis, Monica had an interview for a job, I had a couple of part-time jobs lined up, and we thought it would be healthy to go back to the home we owned.

Ten months later, Ben finally found full-time employment and Monica survived her new job, and there you have it—2009 in a nutshell!

That’s the nutshell version, but here is the nuthouse version:

This was the craziest, most unstable, depressing, exciting, stagnant, fast-paced, no growth, unfathomable growth year of our lives yet! Nothing worked out and everything worked out at the same time.

The year was marked by taking a 10-day survey trip in March to Ireland (both of our first times to experience Europe) and training with an amazing team ready to make an impact for Christ in Dublin. Through this process we experienced spiritual growth at deeper levels than ever before in our lives; however, ultimately we felt led in a different direction and the difficult decision was made to resign from the team.

Ben worked at 5 different jobs this year before experiencing the irony of landing back at his old place of employment that let him go in January. He’s working in a different capacity, but has fit back in well. He’s trying to learn how to work 40 hours a week like the rest of the world. Monica was the face of stability by staying at her job and is a Jane-of-all-trades.

Our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds! Through all the frustrations, joys, awesome concerts, different wake up times, Monica’s sassing and Ben’s moping, we decided to stick it out. What an awesome year for our marriage, and we look forward to many more, as long as Monica quits trying to shove her cold feet under Ben when they go to bed at night!

We look forward to the new year and what we have in the works. Monica is going to pursue a career in professional home staging through further training (although she is already pretty incredible at it). Ben is excited about being involved in bringing positive change to Memphis with his involvement in ScreamFree and partnering with people and organizations throughout the city. These are the things that keep us up at night with excitement.

Life looks full of possibilities for 2010. May our paths cross in ways that benefit us all! We love you all - Merry Christmas!

Two Days Until Christmas Letter

2009-12-22T10:53:00.001-06:00

The Christmas letter blog will come sailing in on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day, on Christmas day in the morning. The "Inadequacy of Christmas" is not our Christmas letter, thank goodness!

The Inadequacy of Christmas

2009-12-21T07:47:00.000-06:00

Christmas has become a time to be frustrated with those who only see the season as a time of materialism. Take Christ out of Christmas and you just have "mas"--the Spanish word for more. We debate the use of holiday and/or Christmas, as if the use of one word over the other would make a difference

Why do we need other people to focus on Christ during this time? I handed a cashier some money the other day and said, "Merry Christmas!" I said very little to her the rest of the year. What is that about? Let's only shop at the places that still use the term Christmas vs. Holidays. Really? Do you know how much marketing research went into deciding which word to use in order to get the most people to purchase products?

I wonder if the reason we want people to remember Christ during Christmastime is so we don't feel as bad about how we did not help people remember Christ the rest of the year. We depend on a season to bring Christ back into focus for people. If Christmas and the Charlie Brown Christmas Special would just do its job, we could actually enjoy the holiday or "holy day." When I point at the world's failure to recognize Christmas, what am I really pointing at? Christmas will continue to be inadequate as long as I depend on it to bring Christ back into focus for others.

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.

2009-12-18T10:07:00.006-06:00

I've never felt more excited around the New Year for so many new beginnings! This past week has been full of Christmas events & spending time with great friends. Ben's work x-mas party was at Incredible Pizza which was a lot of fun (see pic below). My work opted to hold our x-mas breakfast between 5-7A in between the night/day shifts, so there was a lot of caffeine involved in that shindig.

ScreamFree Marriage Update
Yesterday, Ben called me at work to tell me that he had a work thing to go to last night from 5:30-7. He was all ready to battle it out when he told me, thinking that I would be really upset since we had been counting on our first relaxing evening at home in almost 2 wks. Instead, I simply said, "Ok." Ben kinda did a double take & didn't know quite how to respond. Apparently, us both acting like healthy, functioning adults catches us both off guard a lot these days.

I feel a little like when we first started dating because we have amazing conversations throughout the day & sometimes until wee hours of the morning, only it's more fun because we get to live together without feeling guilty. It's like we are getting to know each other on a whole new level because we are taking the pressure of "reactivity" out of our relationship.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree...
After brainwashing Ben with sushi Friday night, I dragged him to the Singing Christmas Tree at Bellevue on Sat. Since living in Memphis, we have been told time & time again that this is a Must See. We crossed it off of our "things to do in Memphis" list & gave it a 5 out of 10. We went with our friends Justin & Brandy, so that made it a lot more fun!

Last year, Ben dragged me kicking & screaming to a Christmas chorus at St. John's Episcopal Church because a co-worker of his was performing. It ended up being an amazing experience & is now one of our favorite Christmas events! We went again last weekend & it was just as we'd remembered & more. There's just something about hearing a choir sing Carol of the Bells, O Holy Night & The Hallelujah Chorus in a beautiful church with that "old wood" smell that puts you in the Christmas spirit!

My Office Quote of the Week
"All jobs suck, some just suck worse than others."

Another One Bites the Dust...
This weekend we are saying goodbye to yet more friends that are making the typical move from Memphis to Nashville. Clay & Katie (or as we call them, Claytie) are some of the coolest people we know & we are sad to see them go. Camping trips & LIFE group have been a blast ...we'll miss sharing life with you guys!

It's hard to believe that a week from today is Christmas! Tonight we have our last annual Craig & Merschon x-mas party, Starry Nights at Shelby Farms on Sat, a few days of work & then we're off to Hot Springs for our first stop. The Benicas are going green this year & have decided to save a few trees by posting our infamous Christmas letter on our blog, so be looking for that on Christmas Day!

Santa and His Buick

2009-12-15T12:23:00.001-06:00

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" a jolly man in a red suit came into the house proclaiming. Santa, here, at my house! I didn't know whether to be terrified or excited. I wasn't used to having that level of royalty in my house. For a 4 year old, I was in disbelief.

I'm not sure what happened next. Digital cameras did not exist and the pictures weren't uploaded to Facebook within moments of the actual event. All I remember is that Santa had to leave, and he did not leave via the chimney portal, he went out the front door. This was my chance to see the elusive reindeer and sleigh in the driveway. So, I tiptoed passed my parents and looked in the driveway, and what did eyes behold...

An old Buick...and Santa got in it. My memory compares it to the old Buick in Uncle Buck. This did not compute in my four year old brain. Something is not right, Santa can't leave in a Buick. My little brain did, however, compute disappointment and grief at this scene. To my parent's credit, though, some story was concocted to keep the belief alive, but the trauma had occurred nonetheless.

Not only did Santa leave in a Buick, he arrived in one as well. Somehow, with a hint of doubt, I still believed in Santa even though he didn't arrive or depart the way Santa should.

But isn't that the story of Christmas...Christ coming and leaving in a way nobody really expected. Could God actually arrive in this world in a manure smelling stable and leave nailed to pieces of wood? Truly unremarkable if you ask me--and yet he saved the world and is ruler over everything! My 29 year old brain has trouble computing this, and I believe (sometimes with a hint of doubt).

ScreamFree in a Starbucks

2009-12-14T15:38:00.001-06:00

This weekend we were at Starbucks & we uncharacteristically ordered two separate drinks (usually we split a Grande No Water Chai Tea Latte). Ben's Carmel Apple Spice was lukewarm at best - he described it as tasting like warm tap water which I agreed with after tasting it. I wish I could take back the words that instinctively came out of my mouth after that ..."Do you want me to ask them to fix it for you?" Ben justifiably asked me if I would like his manhood with that.

I justified this to myself by saying that I just wanted him to be "happy" & feel "loved" because I (his awesome wife) would stick up for him. What I was really saying was that I did not trust that Ben could take care of himself & be responsible for doing whatever he wanted in that situation. Sometimes my "helping" can be completely detrimental to the foundation of trust in our relationship.

I apologized, Ben got his drink fixed & all was well. The thing is, though, that even if Ben would have decided NOT to get his drink fixed, I needed to be ok with that. Hopefully next time my actions & reactivity can mirror how I truly feel about Ben & I can simply say, "That stinks, what are you going to do about that?"

"How's everybody doing? Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half."

2009-12-11T15:13:00.021-06:00

Holy chestnuts, I can't believe it's December & that Christmas is right around the corner! If you've read our blog, you know that this past week has been a doozy! I would write more about our Ireland decision, but I'm still processing it. I will say that Ben has been very supportive of my shopping & vampire therapy in getting through this ...more on that later.

Jack Frost Nipping at Our Noses
Last weekend we had friends from the Ireland team staying with us which also happened to be when Old Man Winter came swooping into Memphis. Right before bed Sun night we blew a fuse because a space heater was running at the same time as the microwave. We were out of extra fuses, so Ben decided to replace it with an unlabeled fuse in the fuse box.

Mon morning we woke up & the house was 60º ...apparently the "extra" fuse was for the heater which hadn't run all night. We're pretty sure our friends will never be back.

My Office Quote of the Week
“You livin’ alone now?”
“Yep, since Thanksgivin’.”
“What happened?”
“Apparently, I’m a donkey.”
“Well, the first step is admitting it.”
(the content of this quote was edited so as to keep our PG blog rating)

Vampire Lust
This has become a common term in the Benica household. This past week I got back to my junior high roots & jumped on the Twilight train. I had heard about these books being addictive, but I had no idea that I would start rearranging my life around them! Ben suggested that he run a loop around the backyard in his boxers before coming to bed so that he would feel cold & vampirish. He has also taken up hissing & biting my neck.

Ding, we're done!
That's right peeps, we are officially done with our x-mas shopping! I am 99% sure that in past years we hadn't even began our shopping by now. One of my very favorite things to do is gift giving, so this time of year is like Christmas for me ...oh wait.

Why is it that the people closest to you are sometimes the hardest to find that perfect gift for? I'm still waiting for the x-mas fairy to bring me front row, 50 yd line seats to an OU vs.TX game for Ben's present, but it hasn't happened yet.

Cali Update
We've been joking that we don't actually LIVE at our house anymore, we just stop by there to sleep. We've been out with different friends every night this week & have had a lot of fun, except that we miss our puppy dog. She has been protesting by pretending to need to go out in the middle of the night, getting on the couch & giving us the classic sad puppy dog eyes.

By the way, the first pic is of Ben holding my SECOND failed attempt to make chocolate covered pretzels - my double boiler improv skills are obviously lacking. I have us booked for x-mas festivities (Ben's favorite) all weekend. We are going out for sushi tonight though, so all will be forgiven. Happy Friday everyone!

The Hardest Decision I've Ever Made

2009-12-07T07:44:00.000-06:00

It was an intensely emotional weekend for Monica and me...

Last Monday I made the final decision not to pursue being a missionary to Ireland at this point in my life. Unfortunately, this means Monica will not be going either, even though she has had her heart set on it for over a year now. The hardest part of the hardest decision I've made is knowing it is taking a huge dream away from my wife. Seeing her in pain has torn me apart this week and I don't like it. I want to do everything I can to take her pain away. I want to give her a new dream, buy her something really expensive, do something to lessen the pain. I want to do that for her pain, but I also want to do that for mine. If she hurts, I feel like a failure. One thing I can do now is refuse to withdraw and leave her alone in this, I want to be the best husband I can. One thing I can do now is refuse to withdraw from myself and instead take care of what is going on inside me.

For our story to dramatically change like this is unsettling, to pick a highly understated term. To exit a story of taking God's redeeming power to a land that has forgotten so much about an almighty God, is extremely difficult. As much as we will still play a role in this mission, it is not the role we imagined or dreamed. We formed relationships on the Dublin team in which we invested more spiritually and emotionally than ever before, and we saw the team raising our children and being an awesome cloud of witnesses to us and our kids. It hurts deep down to not be on this team. I wish I could take away that hurt in us and the team, but I can't...

I know you may not want us to feel this hurt either. When we tell people we are not going, we get that not-sure-how-to-respond look, and that's okay, because we don't know how to respond right now. We are grieving this right now, and will for a while. It is raw right now and it hurts in so many places. I ask that you just love us right now by being our friends. We will be okay, but we are going through it right now and not hiding from it. This is the hardest decision I've ever made...

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

2009-12-04T13:50:00.014-06:00

Happy Friday friends - did you miss me on my 2 wk hiatus?! Black Friday got the best of me & I was distracted spending time with those I love instead of blogging. Ben turned 29 & I got him a new watch & the Bourne trilogy which were both hits.

Thanksgiving Break Highlights:

Making puppy chow & PB Hershey kiss cookies that were successfully scarfed down by both our families
Hanging out w/ my bro & making Ben’s bday cake w/ my sis-in-law in their awesome new apt.
Having a wonderful traditional Thanksgiving meal w/ 10 family members around the table & 4 at the kid's table
Watching Blind Side at the ghetto theater for $3.75/ticket on Thanksgiving Day – great film!
Celebrating Ben’s bday w/ both our families
Getting together w/ Bailey & Joyce who continue to amaze us w/ their wisdom & love
Watching Ben play endlessly w/ our nephews & niece & realizing what an amazing dad he’s going to be someday
Playing our annual Monopoly game w/ my fam even though Ben gave up in the end to my bro in lieu of watching the OU/OSU game (go OU!)
Staying up talking until after midnight w/ my BFF, Bobbie

My Office Quote of the Week
No stand-out quotes this week, but I did win a $1 bet w/ an engineer who doubted my “document control” abilities saying I wouldn’t be able to find a folder in our filing room.

Ode to Green Truck
I will never forget the first time I met green truck. Ben pulled up to my OC apt. & picked me up on our first “unofficial” date to go to Shakespeare in the Park. My first thought was, “I thought Ben was an Edmond snob ...I guess his parents are making him tough it out by driving a beat-up truck.” Later on, Ben & I had our first kiss in the bed of green truck while staring up at the stars at Lake Arcadia. Green truck also bravely pulled our U-Haul on our big move from Oklahoma City to Memphis 5 yrs. ago & has been a loyal truck ever since.

We are sad that it has come to this, but we will always have a special place in our hearts for this vehicle that symbolizes so much! I am also very proud of Ben for sticking it out through all the repairs & no A/C all these years in his dedication to his truck & our budget. We are officially a 1-car family as of now.

Carpooling 101

Do not expect for either of you to ever be to work on time.
Do perfect the art of doing your make-up in the tiny flip down mirror in the car.
Decide beforehand whether it’s more important to brush your teeth or feed the dog (mouthwash in the car is a compromise).
Make a plan BEFORE entering the vehicle regarding who gets to listen to their favorite radio station.

This week Ben got a new job & I got a new curling iron - both of which have drastically impacted our everyday lives. This weekend is already packed full of events & some of our favorite people are staying at our house Sat-Mon. Happy Christmas month everyone!

Thursday Ramblings

2009-12-03T13:36:00.002-06:00

Wow, what a week! Started a new job, green truck died, made some big life decisions, and began carpooling early in the morning. Of course, you may hear more about that in Monica's awesome Friday blog.

I'm almost getting the hang of my new job. There's like 4 or 5 new things I learn each day that would have been nice to have known the day before, but I guess that's how it goes. I actually get my first paycheck tomorrow for the part-time training I did, so at least I'll see some fruits of my labor. I can't tell you the feeling of pride I feel for having a full-time job again. Not that I was incomplete without a full-time job, but it was easy to feel I was.

It is also interesting how having a full-time job makes it easy to forget my dreams. I wrote a blog about having a better story, and now that I work so much, I can see how I could give up on those dreams for the sake of comfortability. It would be easy to stop right now and not pursue my story. I'm pretty sure being a case manager is not the climax or the resolution, rather, it is part of the plot. It is supporting the story that I am ready to continue living.

A line from The Kite Runner I will always remember comes in the first chapter of the book (if my memory serves me correct). The main character is told this: "There is a way to be good again." Chilling and hopeful at the same time, I feel the power of these words. "There is a way to be alive again," are the words that scream out in my mind, sometimes echoing in the emptiness of fear, sometimes absorbed by the power of finally living. I want to be alive again and there is always a way, despite my protestations that I've tried everything. Maybe we should stop trying and start living...

The Future Was Wide Open

2009-11-28T21:35:00.001-06:00

Into the great wide open, under them skies of blue.

Tom Petty is a great storyteller who happens to write incredible music to go with it. Monica introduced to me to Tom when we met, and we've been companions ever since. Maybe I used Monica to get closer to TP ...I'll never tell.

I would like my life to make a great Tom Petty song.

"Failure equals neglecting what we want most for what we want right now." Hal Runkel

2009-11-20T09:51:00.014-06:00

This morning Ben called me on my way to work to ask if I had left him the checkbook & the keys to the filing cabinet. I hadn't because these are two things that I never use, yet for some reason we keep them in my purse. He needed both of these items for supervision & for the private clients he's seeing today, so he had to drive 32 miles round trip to my office to get them. At least it's Friday...

Keep Going Strong
We were discussing last night about how easy it would be for us to fall into the busyness of life & not follow through with all of our BIG plans. The above picture was taken right before we walked out the door a few weeks ago on our impromptu road trip to Taco Bueno & listened to the life-changing audio book that inspired us to change our story.

One of our goals is to make our office/junk room into a livable space. This past week Ben has been working hard to declutter & organize this room & I have been doing small projects that he gives me, but mostly observing. We hope to get a dry erase board that covers most of one wall so that we can brainstorm & write our goals down (my dad & Zig Ziglar would be proud).

My Office Quote of the Week
"I hung out with some people from high school & all of them had degrees from like 4-year colleges & whatnot."

Just to clarify, these quotes come directly from my office, not The Office TV show as some have misunderstood. My work environment is a mix of engineers & machinists (good ole' boys) & so I overhear a lot of interesting water cooler conversations.

The Grinch
is what I've referred to Ben as in previous years when he hasn't allowed us to put up our Christmas tree OR watch Elf until after Turkey Day. For some reason, this year he's cool with it because I asked nicely, so this weekend our house will become a Winter Wonderland & I'm super giddy! I've decided to purge our x-mas decorations that I don't absolutely love instead of displaying them out of guilt.

On The Road Again...
This weekend we're celebrating Ben's bday with a few close friends & we're having an ice cream sundae party at our casa (per Ben's request). Next week is a 2 1/2 day work week for me & then we're off to the family triangle trip of OK & MO! I'm assuming that I will be able to squeeze a blog in next Friday in between Black Friday shopping & football (yawn). I'm excited to see what movies come out this holiday season too! Well, that's it for me. Here's hoping that this Friday flies by & that everyone has a fantastic, no family drama Thanksgiving!

Holiday Thrive Tips

2009-11-17T14:23:00.002-06:00

I often see things around this time of year called "Holiday Survival Guides." It might also come in the form of survival tips... Either way, holy-days can become unholy quickly when it is about survival.

I AM TIRED of trying to survive holidays. So, I am giving you a thrive tips rather than a survival tips.

Un-role Yourself Often. When I go home, I feel an urge to become the immature little brother again and I hate it. It always leads me to say something at the dinner table to shock everyone. This year, I am going home as a confident, driven, adult man who can be himself. When regression kicks in, I have to remind myself that I am not the baby of the family anymore. When you feel you've been sucked into whatever role is not you, allow yourself to step back, breath and be who you really are. I may be the youngest brother, but that doesn't make me the little brother.

Change the triangles. Triangles are for orchestras, but even orchestra triangles are not really triangles because one corner is missing for the sound to come out right. We often go home and find ourselves in a triangle with two other people--maybe parents, siblings, cousins, friends, restaurant staff, etc. It is not necessary to tip more because someone at your table is rude to the waiter. Also, your parent's problems are your parent's problems. Thrivers let conflict be where it needs to be. "Sounds like that's between you and _______," can be a good way out. Thrivers may also say, "It doesn't feel healthy for me to be in the middle of this, so I need to excuse myself from this conflict." Then you can think "Ding," because you let the triangle vibrate the way it needed to.

Fresh air is your friend. Thrivers make personal space because they know being cooped up with the people they spent at least 18 years getting away from can be suffocating. We live at least 5 hours from our closest set of parents and we do great away from them. If we do not take breaks while we're home, we leave wanting to live even farther away. If we go to a movie or to coffee by ourselves, we re-energize and then are able to enjoy the precious time we have with our family.

A Word on Love. When I say I love my wife, I am saying I want what is best for her. My responsibility as one who loves her is to do what is best for her. If I am not taking care of myself, which is one of the best things I can do for her, am I really loving her? Same with family. We all say we love our families, and then forget to take care of ourselves. What is best for my family is for me to not be grouchy, resentful, distant, and/or in some role I resent. In my love for them, I take care of myself the best I can, even when they don't understand why I must take a walk or eat a meal with just my wife. Then I can thrive, rather than survive.

Unsolicited advice is really criticism.

2009-11-13T09:52:00.009-06:00

Wow, what a whirlwind of a week! It started off by Ben falling off a ladder on Sun, then he accepted a FT job offer on Mon, we were out almost every night doing fun things & we've been dog sitting a Labradoodle for our friends all week. Cali was glad to have a friend to play with, but I also think she's happy to be an only pup again.

WCW
What does WCW stand for you might ask? We have been celebrating Waffle Cone Wednesday at TCBY with our friends Preston & Alana for several months now & have loved every moment! Waffle cones of any size are like 50 cents cheaper than usual & Ben loves TCBY so much he wants to marry it because it's a healthier choice than regular ice cream.

Things I Learned About Ben This Week
- He thinks it's weird when people wash their dishes with hand soap instead of dish soap.
- "I actually like girls in boots." BT
- Kicking or throwing his shoes that he leaves in our bedroom right after I've cleaned the house does NOT make him want to put them away next time.

A Way to a Girl's Heart...
is through her stomach, or so it was for me yesterday. I go to the same Quiznos for lunch at least once a week & order the exact same thing because I am a creature of habit & find comfort in finding something that I like & sticking to it. I walked into the store & the lady asked, "small turkey?" as usual except after I confirmed she pointed to the toaster oven because when she saw my car pull up she went ahead & made my sandwich to my exact specifications! My first thought was, "Am I really that predictable?" & my second thought was, "This is the best customer service I've ever had!" Hats off to you Quiznos!

Since Ben is Mr. Moneybags now with his fancy new job, we are financially able for me to pursue my dream of becoming a Professional Home Stager. I plan on going to Atlanta in Dec for a 3-day training session & hope to be up & running with lots of experience by spring. We have also been taking baby steps to having a ScreamFree marriage & hope to be ScreamFree parents someday, so that's been both frustrating & fun. Have I mentioned that I love dreaming with Ben & taking action to make the characters in our story who we want them to be (read Ben's insightful blog post below for more details)? Have a great weekend & go get some Tim Tams from Target!

My Life Story, pg. 1

2009-11-10T14:51:00.005-06:00

There are times in life when intersections occur. Times when several things from different spheres of life seem to point to the same thing. Then, there are times like I am experiencing, and everything points to the same thing. In the last couple weeks, I’ve learned to pay attention and let whatever needs to unfold like watching a dream and knowing it will make sense in the morning. My insides want to use every defense mechanism against allowing change to recreate me, including the harder than usual eye blinks to test reality.

At last, a combination of reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, attending a Screamfree Parenting training, getting a new job, and dogsitting, all pointed me to something changing life as I know it. It is the concept of story, of living a better story, of being a bigger story than I am. I had the realization I was living a crummy story, where the most significant thing happening was earning stars on DJ Hero. When a video game became my means of asserting my power and mastery in the world, I knew the story had to change or nobody would read it, but boy could I mix it up on the pretend vinyl with a fade switch.

Why am I living a life I don’t want? Why I am living a story where the most intense conflict is whether or not my truck passes inspection? Why do I eat some new form of grease-soaked substance every day when I value my appearance? Why am I working three jobs that don’t even add up to a fifth of what I should be making? Why do I keep looking to other people to give me some magical bean to plant and then climb the vine into the clouds to find a better story full of alliterating giants and farm animals that birth gold?

Everything began pointing to story. Like Donald Miller, I found myself living a boring story. I am now in a process of creating a new story—one with conflict and triumph, power and mastery, one where the hero is not trying to manipulate 1s and 0s to get a higher score. Life looks different now. I can speak to it, tell it I love it, and tell it that it sucks. I hear a born and bred impulse telling me to cool it, take it easy. As I told a friend yesterday, the old me has a thought, “I guess you’ll just have to hit TOP before you come back to reality. Don’t get too excited.” In the new script, I have a level 3 curse word for that thought that would leave my mom giving her unapproving head shake I used to depend on as a morality gauge.

The biggest lie we face is that we can’t change our stories right now. I believed this and waited and waited and waited. Fortunately, a little thought occurred and shot across synapses in my brain and then the connections began to form, “What about a new story? One where you overcome conflict to get what you want. One where you are free of a life of labels you didn’t choose but accepted. One where you knee dogs in the chest so they stop jumping on you and start respecting you.”

I actually ordered oatmeal this morning rather than greasy eggs and freedom toast because the protagonist in my story has choices. For some reason, my character also drives a car that is clean on the interior. My character sweats the small stuff for a bigger purpose. My character makes decisions with purpose. My character has a wife that is turned on by purpose. My character writes blogs at the risk of sounding like the next guy who just lost it. My story is changing…

You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.

2009-11-09T09:17:00.004-06:00

SNAP, KICK, BREAK, BOOM, OWW. I followed this with a level 2 curse word.

"I just had a fall..." I said to Monica in the middle of her nap.

"I fell off the ladder. Well, I fell with the ladder."

"Did you lose consciousness?"

"I don't think so, but I hit my head and I don't know if I hit it on the ladder or the wall, and I wound up sitting between the rungs of the ladder behind our house. It's funny, my first concern was that I scratched my glasses. And then my head hurt and I was hoping it wasn't bleeding."

This was my first significant ladder accident. I trusted an old wooden ladder that has been sitting in water and mud for two months, so this one's on me. What you can't see is the 5 other places I am banged up, including a substantial scrape behind my leg that stung like a continual bee sting when I got in the shower. I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of this encounter and how I wound up completely turned around sitting between two rungs of a ladder with two dogs staring at me.

P.S. This is NOT our exciting news.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

2009-11-06T14:22:00.005-06:00

Whew - so much to blog about ...so much happened this week that it's going to be tough to condense! I will attempt to tell the "Ben version" rather than the overly detailed "Monica version".

The Hosts with the Most
Last weekend we threw the party of all parties, the bash of all bashes - it was fun, you get the point! We had many obstacles in our way including throwing together perfect costumes which entailed trips to multiple Wal-Marts & party stores the day before & of Halloween, Ben attempting a last-minute home repair on our bathroom sink & last but not least, 2 words: DJ Hero.

I was worried all week about what activities we were actually going to DO at the party just to have Ben throw together a scary movie trivia, Frankenface game & a candy guessing game at the last minute & they were a big hit! The prizes were $6.66 Starbucks gift cards (also Ben's genius idea). Ben was a Wii remote & I was a gothic princess in case you were wondering. Cali did not get a costume this year & was banished to the back bedroom during the party, so she pretty much hates Halloween forever now.

My Office Quote of the Week
I didn't hear any zingers this week, however I was referred to as "document control" which I found humorous & a very "Office Space" term.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
On Sunday Ben told me that Don Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) had written a new book & was coming to Memphis this week to speak on his book tour. I decided to download the audio book & listen to all 5 hrs. of it at work on Monday on my iPhone. I was blown away by how powerful it was! I told Ben that we should drive to Nashville that night & eat at Maggiano's so that he could listen to it too. Plan B was to drive to Taco Bueno in Little Rock & so we jumped in the car & did it!

We tend to make lots of big life decisions while driving around & this was no exception. We were tired after getting home around 1AM, but I love that we are both still willing & excited to do things like this ...we'll sleep when we're dead.

Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?
Only 48 days until Christmas - seriously people! I somehow dragged Ben into Pier One yesterday just to gaze & giggle upon the x-mas decorations - love that store! I'm not trying to rush x-mas though because I'm lovin' this crisp fall 50º in the morning/70º in the afternoon weather!

Stay tuned for some exciting news (no, we are not preggers) - I will let Ben share it with you in one of his tween blogs. In the words of Bob Dylan, "the times they are a-changin" for the Benicas!

So I want to write my words on the face of today.

2009-10-30T11:01:00.008-05:00

Trick or treat? I would like to think that you see this blog as a treat, so we'll go with that. I'm wearing my new OU t-shirt, my fun polka dot socks that were on sale at Target & it's Friday - hooray!

The Show-Me State
Let's begin with our MO road trip last weekend. It was so good to spend some quality time with my crazy family! We played some games, ate Spfld cashew chicken & were able to have lunch with my grandparents on Sat. The Mudhouse was as awesome as ever & the weekend flew by! I would be sad if the holidays weren't right around the corner.

My Office Quote of the Week
“Could you make a new copy of this print because this one has blood spots on it?”

Bdays are Months, not Days!
November is right around the corner which means that it's almost time for my amazing hubby's bday! Yep, that's right people ...on July 1st & Nov 1st we wake up & tell each other happy birth month because that's how we roll.

Ben grew up in a family with 4 kids where bdays were not such a big deal. I, on the other hand, being an only child for 7 yrs. & then 1 of 2 am not sure what it's like NOT being treated like a princess with the red carpet rolled out for you on your bday! I would say that we have compromised on this during the course of our marriage, but I'm pretty sure I won this one & Ben is slowly getting on board.

All Hallows' Eve
Since there were no Halloween parties on the agenda, we decided to host our own & I'm super excited about it! We still have a lot of details to iron out including our costumes, activities & how we're going to fit so many people in our tiny house, but I'm sure fun will be had by all.

The Office was GREAT last night even though only the first short segment had to do with Halloween. We had another semi-movie night last night even though we only watched 1 movie instead of 2. Away We Go was an amazing film which I highly recommend, especially if you are in a transitional time in your life as we are. Ben also downloaded an awesome song called Change by Blind Melon which pretty much rocked our world - love it! I hope everyone has a scary, fun-filled Halloween weekend!

Find a job you like & you add five days to every week.

2009-10-23T09:20:00.012-05:00

Hello dedicated blog readers! The leaves have started falling, we turned the heat on (to Ben's dismay) & Halloween is just around the corner.

Sat Morning Surprise
Last weekend our friends Justin & Brandy from FL were in town for a visit. They picked us up on Sat morning & said there was someone they wanted us to meet. They proceeded to drive us out to Timbuktu (a.k.a. Olive Branch, MS) & introduced us to their Realtor ...at their new house ...because they are moving back to Memphis in 3 wks!

In the 5 yrs. we have lived here we have watched many friends come & go, but they have NEVER come back. J & B are pregnant with twins & want to be closer to family & friends, so we are very excited to welcome them back!

My Office Quote of the Week
“Let the women do paperwork, that’s what they’re good for.”

Things I Learned This Week
*Don’t bother getting a manicure at places that don’t put on base/top coats or you might as well flush a $20 down the toilet.

*Even if you turn your clothes inside out, paint WILL go through them.

*It’s amazing how much tension a new Wii video game can cause in our marriage.

*Swingline staplers are far superior to regular staplers.

*Having an iPhone is extremely helpful when playing Scattergories.

*Doing someone else’s job can be fun if you are a very task-oriented person like myself.

What I'm Going to Be When I Grow Up
This week I had the opportunity to meet with a professional home stager & after interviewing her about her career, it only confirmed that this is what I want to do. I've thought about this for awhile now, but wasn't sure if I was ready to make the leap of faith. The biggest thing that caught me off guard was that all of the things I liked about my previous jobs are all elements in this profession (i.e. marketing, working with people & organization).

When I quit my last job, the first thing I did was read What Color Is Your Parachute which I highly recommend. The pieces of the puzzle are finally starting to come together for me. I really admire my dad for being a small business owner & have always known in the back of my mind that that's what I wanted too. I will continue to work my "day job" until Ben & I decide that I can do this full-time. Wish me luck!

We've got the traveling bug again & are off to MO for a fun-filled weekend with my fam! Bubby & Ryan are coming from OK & I'm hoping we get to go to the Mudhouse for some late night coffee chattin'. Cali is getting a bath today & has a new cute, non-stinky polka dot collar. Happy weekend before Halloween weekend everyone!

Still Just a Boy and His Truck

2009-10-20T15:42:00.000-05:00

Green truck has survived inspection for another year!

Not every 28 almost 29-yo can claim owning only one car and driving it since turning 16. Not even sure if that's a good thing to claim. I am way past the point of trade-in with the truck and am at the point of drive her until she dies. My mechanic does ghetto-patches on her now and then to keep her going. Even so or Praise the Lord (depending on what verse you're singing), she was too good for some opportunistic government clunker program.

There are the days when she is so backed up she can't exceed 45 mph and it feels like she's going to explode. Other days I sit and watch the temperature go up while I sit at a light and pray for green. Most days, though, she gets me from A to B just fine, which is all I really need.

The truck needs about $1800 in identifiable repairs--all new A/C system and a new clutch. It gargles whenever I touch the clutch because there is a tiny crack somewhere in the clutch system. I manually roll her out of the carport every morning because she spits up residue when I start her up. About once every 3 months I CAN get the tailgate down. Most days, though, she gets me where I need to be, can't complain much about that.

Somehow she keeps from smoking for the 3 minutes I have to go through inspection. It's like she knows it's her last chance. After we passed on Monday, we took the long way home just for fun. I give her at least a quart of oil every 300 miles--must get tired and thirsty after all these years. She's gone from 10W-40 to 15W-40 and now we're on 20W-50. It's the least I could do for a lifetime of service.

Still just a boy and his truck after 12 years...

Not from the kitchen. Stop & Shop. If it's not Stop & Shop I send it back.

2009-10-16T10:17:00.024-05:00

I actually had a co-worker give me a high five today because we made it to Friday - woohoo! I took over another co-worker's job starting this week because they are out for surgery, so I've been so busy that it's flown by!

Wilco Will Love You, Baby
Let's begin with the Wilco concert we went to Sat night - amazing! It was at the Orpheum Theatre in downtown Memphis which is a restored 1928 beautiful venue! It was a sold out show & we actually considered doubling our money for what the tickets were going for on craigslist, but I'm really glad we went.

I bought the tickets back in August with some of my bday money because I prefer to spend money on experiences rather than stuff. Side note: In one of Ben's counseling sessions this week his client told him that they saw him at the concert which was kinda random & funny.

Reconverted
So...apparently KLOVE (Contemporary Christian music station) has fundraisers multiple times a year. I realize that it is completely self-supporting & does not rely on advertising, but good grief it's annoying! I actually switched my car radio station back to the station I used to listen to because I'd rather hear loud car commercials than pleading for money 24/7. I guess you can say that I have reconverted back to secular music & I'm ok with that.

Just Call Me June Cleaver
This past week I was excited to try a new recipe from my Real Simple magazine, so I whipped up some cheese ravioli with apples & toasted walnuts. In Ben's words, "The best thing you've ever made!" Ravioli is a staple meal in our house, but this was a whole new take on it, very easy to make & much healthier. Ben also said that he wouldn't mind me staying home & not working if I could have awesome meals like this ready when he gets home from work everyday ...I said, "Deal!"

My Office Quote of the Week
“Let’s have a gander.” I realize this is a staple grandpa quote, but I still thought it was worth mentioning.

Movie Night
On Tuesday night there were 2 movies in the $1 kiosk that we wanted to see, so we decided to get them both & make a movie night out of it. We started off with Year One (Ben's pick) & Kettle corn popcorn, took a break for dinner & then finished up the evening with The Proposal (my pick). It's rare that there are 2 movies we both want or are willing to watch, but we hope to make this a tradition because it was a lot of fun!

The above pic is our one tree in our yard starting to shed its leaves. Tonight Ben has promised to take me to get a new pumpkin to replace our stolen one (grrrr...) at the pumpkin patch (a.k.a. grocery store parking lot). We also have some good friends in town from FL & of course the huge OU/TX game on Sat! We are (in case you don't know) big OU fans (me by marriage) & we hate TX (just the football team). Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Random Tuesday Musings...

2009-10-13T14:39:00.009-05:00

Alright peeps, I have reached the point in my work day that I MUST do something creative or my head may explode! Countless hours of repetitive computer work catches up to me every once in awhile (ok, all the time) & to make matters worse, it's raining!

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This...
Ben came to lunch with me yesterday & today because Mondays are his day off & he didn't have any clients scheduled today. There are interesting things you find out being married to a therapist...for instance, did you know that the likelihood of clients showing up to their counseling appts. is next to nil when it's raining or snowing? It's good that Ben didn't have anyone scheduled today because he probably would have just sat in his office all day & had a bunch of no-shows.

Olive Juice
When we were in Austin a few weekends ago for our Ireland team training, we were eating yogurt for breakfast one morning. I looked at Ben & saw him mouth, "I love you," which was both sweet & unusual for him to say randomly. I looked back at him with my big, blue eyes & said, "I love you too!" to which he replied, "I SAID I love yogurt." Needless to say, since then it's been an ongoing joke in our house & we tell each other that we love yogurt constantly.

A Walk Down '07
A friend of mine (Jess) was asking about a picture from Halloween '07 where Ben & I carved funny pumpkins, so I ventured down memory lane & found it on our blog. I decided to fix the formatting on all of our '07 blog posts because it got all jacked up when we transferred our blog & I had only gone through '08.

I can't believe how much happier & content we seemed back then! I was telling Ben about all the fun things we did that year...we went to a John Mayer concert, made fun trips to Nashville, Ben started working FT after he finished school so we doubled our income, I went on a work trip to Vegas, we went to Jamaica for our anniversary & last but not least, we got a Wii. The big question is, in 2 yrs. will we look back at our lives now & think the same thing?

This blog post has turned kind of Debbie Downerish so I apologize. We still do fun things & have endless possibilities of where our lives can go from here, but we've felt stuck in our job situations for awhile now & it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you have no idea what that light will be. Also, it secretly hurts my feelings when no one comments on my Friday blogs & no one has for a couple of weeks now. Is anyone out there? Bueller, Bueller?

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation of our souls.

2009-10-09T13:15:00.022-05:00

Whoa - this week has been one crazy roller coaster in the lives of Benica! We were contemplating a trip to OK this weekend, but it would have been too much. We need some R&R in Memphis fo' shizzle!

Everything is Bigger in TX
Our Austin trip was definitely an adventure! We found out around 10P the night before we left that we needed to be in Little Rock at 8A rather than 10A like we had thought, so that 4A alarm was a fun start. The themes on our road trip were Starbucks, twizzlers & Redbox movies! Somehow we managed to squish 7 people in a Hyundai Veracruz so that we could all be together & drive each other insane (jk, sort of). The training went well, there was some major team bonding & we arrived back home at 2:30A Mon morning. Let the roller coaster week begin...

Garden
I mentioned in my last blog that Ben worked like a mule on our front garden & how great it turned out, so I wanted to share a pic. We attempted to plant several small plants in the spring to add some color, but they all died slow, painful deaths. Anyone have any tips on very resilient plants that can survive in clay-like soil or how to keep bugs off your plants without using icky pesticides?

MOVE!
Ben & I were talking the other day about how some restaurants use tactics to get you in & out of there as quickly as possible. For instance, our eardrums almost burst every time we eat at Jimmy John's because they play their music so loud. Also, Ben was at Chick-fil-A the other day & said it was like the North Pole it was so cold!

My Office Quote of the Week
“Chuck Norris is the baddest man that ever walked the earth…well besides me.” Side note: I cannot emphasize enough how I do NOT make these quotes up.

I ♥ The Office
I must give a shout out about how AWESOME The Office was last night - loved it on so many levels! Also, how cool would it be if The Office spoofed your YouTube wedding video?! At one point in the midst of my tears during Jim & Pam's wedding Ben said, "Suck it up Thompson!"

On that note, I'm out & am hoping for a long weekend full of sleeping while listening to the rain, hot apple cider & seeing Wilco in concert! Don't forget to check out Ben's tween blog below...

Confidence, Self-Esteem, and Multiplication Tables

2009-10-08T14:06:00.002-05:00

In my tween blog for the week, I am writing about the most dreaded thing to me in fourth grade...the multiplication table. For starters, being left-handed, I smeared all the lead on the page from left to right. This bothered me a lot and my little finger all the way down to the end of my hand was charcoal gray. Secondly, I was always timed and never came in under the clock. I would feel so defeated and sad because I thought there was something wrong with me. The guidance counselor even got me a left-handed multiplication table so I wouldn't smear my writing and could actually see the last number I wrote. Great...now I am slow AND have a different chart from everybody else.

Really, I had little confidence or self-esteem. I could easily do the tables, I just didn't believe I could. Make it a timed competition and I didn't even have a chance. I knew I could never make the Olympics in math tables, so why try? Just give up, I'll never succeed, I'd think to myself.

But it was never seen as a confidence or self-esteem problem, always an academic problem. Could nobody see the truth? I think this is a big failure of the educational system and parents. Academic performance has little to do with personal development. Children who live in an environment where they can thrive do well, while those in an environment that does not allow them to thrive struggle. Measure children by their grades and you miss out on the child. I did well enough in school grade-wise, but I didn't walk around with my head up or have many friends. Which should we be concerned with the most, the grades or the child?

I was missed on the radar at school and at home. I never made it on the radar because I always flew below it. I learned how important the outside was in hiding the inside. I made great grades. It took me several years until I acted out in class, but boy did I get some attention, as well as flunk my Romeo and Juliet exam. Even then I just made a blip on the radar screen and back to flying low.

Maybe I shouldn't expect the school system or parents to look for kids with confidence and self-esteem problems, but I do. As long as grades are the indicator, they'll miss it. Needless to say, I am in support of de-emphasizing performance-based grading systems, and more on emphasizing overall child development. Let's focus on making environments in which children can thrive and be seen for more than a grade. When children can thrive, they can learn what they need to without worrying about the dreaded F word...fail. I don't have the answers for how to do this, but I do have a lot of ideas.

There are 3 things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics & the Great Pumpkin.

2009-10-01T09:38:00.031-05:00

Welcome to your bonus early Friday blog - LUCKY! Tomorrow we will be on a crazy road trip to Austin, TX with our team for training. It looks like the second flood may be hitting Austin as well this weekend, so we may be coming back in an ark instead of an SUV.

Showering Babies
I know that all of my male readers out there are on the edge of their seats in anticipation as to how the baby shower went this past weekend...I will leave you in suspense no longer!

First of all, I must give mad props to my hubby for totally stepping it up & helping me somehow pull it off! He did everything from weeding/mulching our front garden to moving furniture around 18 different ways while I kept changing my mind to doing the dishes & making our infamous hot corn dip! Now that I think about it, I'm not exactly sure what I did... Merschon impressed everyone with her amazing cupcake tower complete with Aaron's name & sprinkles. In a nutshell, the shower was a hit!

Pumpkin Thief
On Friday we were at Home Depot (which Ben calls Best Buy) buying mulch for the garden & I spotted a cute medium sized pumpkin that I brought home & put on our front porch. It looked SO cute just sitting there saying, "Welcome fall!" I was pulling into the driveway Monday afternoon & our cute pumpkin was GONE! Ben decided that some punk kids stole it & he came up with a foolproof plan that included rigging a pumpkin with poop, but I vetoed it. I wish we had a neighborhood watch program for important matters like these.

Red Heads Have More Fun
Ben has been requesting that I dye my hair red for the past couple of months. If you all know Ben, he has very few preferences having been the youngest child of 4, so I was happy to oblige.

Cold Weather Pup
I know I've talked about how Cali loves cooler weather, but it boggles my mind how much her personality changes with the seasons! She has gone from lounging on her puppy bed inside our house in the A/C 24/7 to being outside sunbathing in the grass, exploring the backyard & laying on what we refer to as "her step" on our back porch. It's like the heat sucks the life out of her & then when it gets cooler, she's herself again. We're glad to have our frisky puppy back!

October is in full swing & I couldn't be happier...I'm just hoping these next few months are much more fall-like instead of the usual 2 Memphis seasons: summer/winter. Everyone can start thinking about their Halloween costumes now! Enjoy your fall weekend!

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

2009-09-25T13:19:00.008-05:00

Welcome everyone to the unveiling of our NEW & improved blog that coincidentally looks exactly like our old blog. I pretty much have the world's coolest brother who helped us move our blog over with his mad tech skills & I owe him big time for all his help!

A Day in m's Life
I always find it interesting hearing about other people's routines, so here is a typical day in my life...

Alarm goes off at 5:18 & I proceed to press snooze until 5:40-5:50ish, take shower, get ready in guest bedroom while watching Clean Sweep on TLC (I'm always bummed that I miss seeing the "reveal" at the end which is my fav part!), grab some juice & head for work around 6:40, get to work at 7 & start monotonous work day of data entry, scanning, filing, printing TPS reports while squeezing in some blog reading, FB & general internet surfing to keep myself sane while listening to Pandora (usually the DMB station), go to break room after a couple of hours to get Dove hot chocolate & cup of ice for my juice.

Go to lunch at 11:30 usually at Quiznos, Taco Bell or Milano's Pizza & then either shop at Target or go read a book at the lake down the street from my office, occasionally pick up a Chai Tea Latte from SB's if it's rainy or a rough day, come back & read my fav blog that I hold out for at 2, count down the minutes until 4 & drive home while listening to K-LOVE (I'm still hooked).

Get home & pick up everything that Ben has moved or left out from that morning after I left the house perfect, watch whatever sit-com is on TBSHD (Seinfeld, Friends, etc.), give Ben a giant hug when he gets home & debate about what to have for dinner, rarely eat at home, go out with friends or stay in & watch TV & do random chores/projects around the house, go to TCBY every Wed for Waffle Cone Wed, hang out with the world's most awesome hubby, brush my teeth, floss & go to sleep after our cuddle routine.

A 4AM Awakening
A couple of nights ago, around 4A our carbon monoxide detector started going off. Ben proceeded to get up & fiddle around with it for 5 of the longest minutes of my life (he couldn't find the battery in the dark - even Cali was annoyed & started her puppy moan). Finally the beeping stopped & then it seemed like forever before Ben came back to bed. I asked him what he was doing & he said that he lit the lighter to see if there was a gas leak...seriously.

Relapse - It's Official
This week I broke down & added Grey's Anatomy back to my TV queue - I just felt like I owed it to George to morn his TV death & leaving the show. Then tonight Jennifer Love Hewitt is having her baby on Ghost Whisperer (the show I'm most embarrassed that I watch), so I obviously can't miss that! TV is like crack I tell ya!

This weekend I'm throwing a jungle-themed baby shower for a close friend of mine...at our house...all by myself. This is a bad combination for a perfectionist like myself, but I know it will be a lot of fun! October has a lot of fun in store for us including a trip to Austin for team training, a Wilco concert & out-of-town friends & family visits! Happy weekend everyone!

New Billboard Spotting

2009-09-23T07:01:00.002-05:00

If you noticed a few blog entries ago, I can really get worked up about them. Sometimes I get worked up about something related to it. Today, I saw one and was intrigued by it. It read, “I’m gay and God loves me the way I am.” Underneath the text was a confident looking white male with spiky hair and a nice smile, not unlike me.

At first I was like, “Wow, here is propaganda from the liberal government to advance gay rights.” I call that my programmed response because it came first and is steeped in my background. My second thought was, “That’s a good billboard full of truth.” Regardless of the intent of the ad, it wasn’t in your face, it wasn’t judgmental or snide, it simply conveyed a statement, which in my belief system holds true. I began to wonder how I tend to look at people, gay or straight, out of the context of God’s love. Maybe this is the intent of the advertisement, I don’t know. I think it is important for me to have reminders like this, because at the end of the day I need to believe that “I’m Ben and God loves me the way I am.” I want other people to see me and believe God loves me, because when I do that with other people, I treat them differently.

I don’t know if other people take billboards as far as I do, but I appreciate billboards when they make me think. Unfortunately, I think someday it may be necessary to put up a billboard that says, “I’m a Christian and God loves me the way I am.” Maybe that’s another blog for another day...

Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain.

2009-09-18T12:10:00.013-05:00

It’s a rainy Friday here in Memphis & seems like it’s been like this forever! We keep saying that we’re getting prepped for Dublin, but I’m not sure how I feel about rain & overcast skies all the time. Ben says we’re going to have to drive somewhere with sun soon.

Storks Everywhere!
In one of my recent blog posts I talked about how practically everyone we know is pregnant. Well, it’s only gotten worse & I actually sat down & counted up how many couples we know that are currently preggo - wait for it, wait for it…16!! Seriously people, what’s in the water?! A friend of mine said she figured that maybe because of the economy & a lack of job security that people might hold off on the baby-making…obviously not.

My New Fav Pair of Jeans
I have been in search for a new favorite pair of jeans for awhile now. The other day on a whim I tried on 4 different brands at Kohl’s & wala - I found them at last! They are a dark pair of GLO brand jeans that fit like they were made for me (which is amazing since most jeans are typically 2-4" too long). The best part was that they only put me back $20 - love it!

Random Things That Drive Ben Crazy
*being wasteful (i.e. Starbucks drink sleeves, Styrofoam containers)
*squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube
*church lady singers (you know what I’m talking about)

TV Relapse
I must confess to you all that I have had a small relapse since the new fall TV shows began. Don’t get me wrong, I have stuck to my guns with Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, 90210, Survivor, Grey’s Anatomy & Ghost Whisperer. However, I did “accidentally” tape One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl the other night & they were both awesome premieres! I guess for some reason I still have a craving for teen dramas…it makes me feel young.

My Office Characters
We watched the premiere of The Office last night (which was hilarious btw) with our friends Ray & Lindsay & it got me thinking about all the “characters” at my office. This is what I came up with so far:
*happy, snappy whistling ADD guy
*Nascar t-shirt lady
*nervous laughing guy
*“Hey good-looking” old guy (he says this to me every time I see him, but somehow it’s sweet & not creepy)

That’s all I’ve got for today y’all. Oh, the blog pic is of Ben & our friend Mick going to hear Condoleezza Rice speak at a fancy $500/pp dinner this week. Here’s hoping to a weekend full of snuggling while listening to the rain, pumpkin spice lattes, renting movies & sleeping in!

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.

2009-09-11T10:30:00.012-05:00

Friday is FINALLY here! Now what kind of blogity ooey gooey goodness to fill your minds with today… man, now I’m craving brownies!

The Great Ireland Migration Begins...
On our road trip this past weekend I decided to make one of my infamous lists on the back of a receipt of things we need to do to prep our house to sell. Ben recently had a piece of siding fixed that had blown off during a wind storm & this week we installed wood blinds in our living room & dining room. They look awesome & I feel kinda like we’re in Jamaica on vaca every time I’m in those rooms because they remind me of our bungalow-style room. Next up - weed & mulch the front garden this weekend!

Weekend Extravaganza
Last weekend we went to Fayetteville, AR with a quick detour to MO to drop Cal Cal off at my parents. Kuddos to them for puppysitting on such short notice! Cali was a little confused, but loves them & had a great time. Theology of Missions = not so bad after all. In fact, I’m not sure if I’ve ever spent that much time devoted to studying the Bible in a fun, new way. Our team already seems like family & we are excited about experiencing this new chapter in our lives with them. Oh, & we did treat ourselves to a delicious Taco Bueno meal on the drive home.

Smokin’ Roaches
A few nights ago I turned the kitchen light on & a GINORMOUS black roach crawled out of the sink which caused me to scream multiple times while doing my scary bug dance. My hero (i.e. Ben) came to the rescue with a deadly weapon (i.e. a flip flop) in tow. The funny thing was that while I was commentating the “slaughter” I kept screaming & squealing which caused Ben to freak out & jump every time the roach would reappear. In the end the victory was Ben’s & all was well.

I ♥ Fall
In my 20’s I have fallin’ in love with fall. Now, summer used to be a big contender due to school being out, church camp, my birthday & swimming the summer away. However, now that I am (gulp) an adult, fall has a whole new meaning.

I love feeling the cooler weather come in & the leaves changing colors & falling off the trees. I love the anticipation of new fall TV shows, OU football, Halloween & Thanksgiving. I love drinking hot Starbucks drinks, taking walks with cool breezes with Ben & Cali after work, carving pumpkins & wearing my favorite hoodie. Winter, spring & summer just aren’t doing it for me anymore.

As I was driving to lunch today I saw some flags at half-staff & I got a little teary eyed. I was thinking to myself about how in my lifetime, today is the day my kids will someday ask me where I was when it happened. May God bless & give courage to all those directly & indirectly affected by 9.11!

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

2009-09-04T08:26:00.007-05:00

There are not many Fridays in the year where we have a 3-day holiday weekend to look forward to, so take a moment to enjoy this glorious day!

Vaca 411
We spent last weekend at a cabin in Spencer, TN close to Fall Creek Falls State Park & had a wonderful, relaxing & somewhat boring weekend. Boring you ask? Yes, apparently the beautiful views, endless movie rentals & all the books we’ve been wanting to catch up on were not enough for our ADD brains. Neither of our phones rang all weekend & once you’ve seen one sunset, you’ve seen them all.

We did go on a couple of awesome hikes & experienced some fine dining including Pizza Hut, a local Mexican restaurant & Maggiano’s on the way back home. We had a good time & simply decided that in the future our vacas need to be a little more active.

My Office Quote of the Week
(overheard when a guy was asked what he was doing this holiday weekend) “Not a lot, probably just hanging out around the house. Maybe go to Cracker Barrel or something - ya know, mix it up a bit.”

P.S. When going to Cracker Barrel is “mixing it up” in my life, please shoot me.

What Will They Think of Next?
I recently started using Gmail & was excited to customize my Inbox, so I checked out their "themes"?. I chose the Tree Theme & noticed that the background changes according to the weather. When it is sunny outside, the background shows a clear sky. Consequently, when it is raining or even thunderstorms, the background will change to match the current conditions.

At first I was confused & freaked out not knowing how THEY knew what the weather was like where I was, until I realized I had typed in my location - whew! Just another small step to chips being inserted into our brains & machines taking over the world.

Well, we’re off to who knows where this weekend - AR for Ireland team training & possibly MO if we can’t find adequate accommodations for Cali & my parents decide to take care of their grandpuppy for the weekend. There will be lots of driving, learning about the theology of missions (oops, I just fell asleep) & hopefully a Taco Bueno stop along the way. Happy Labor Day weekend everyone!

Our Cheese Stinks

2009-09-02T14:08:00.007-05:00

How have I not read the book “Who Moved My Cheese?” until now? I remember my dad getting it awhile ago (in the distant 90’s) for Christmas and thinking what a funny title that was for a big person book. Last night, I made Monica read it before she went to bed, and consequently, she was exhausted today, but I wanted it to seep into our other-consciouses while we slept. If you’ve read it, you will understand the title of this blog, and if not, it only takes like 40 minutes to read.

This book reminds me how stories told well can have an impact on a deeper level. Anyway, I recommend it highly if you are up for a good challenge and/or you are feeling stuck in your current situation, which is precisely why it impacted the Benicas like it did. I literally feel like I have an extra little hop in my step today, and no, I don’t have a rock in my shoe!

Beyond that, I was able to use my excessive worry about a letter from the insurance company to get the opposite result of what I was expecting. I think that is called negative optimism. Goodness, how would all these things work out without my worry? Not a risk I’m willing take! I’m only kind of kidding...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

2009-08-27T11:14:00.008-05:00

Welcome to your early Friday blog! We are heading to a cabin in middle TN for a weekend getaway to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary, hence the early blog post.

6
We spent our actual anniversary going to the church house (that’s what my grandparents call it) & eating a 5-star lunch at Quiznos. After that, Ben did what any good husband would do & took me to a chick flick (The Time Traveler’s Wife). The movie was great & we finished the evening with an awesome meal at Old Venice!

This weekend will be Ben’s ideal vacation - going to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Even though it won’t include the beach or pina coladas like our past 2 anniversary trips, I am really excited about hiking through waterfalls & just being together!

The Absent-Minded Professor
On Monday I came home to Ben giving our yard “the works”, but little did I know that it was not entirely by choice. He had locked himself out of the house a couple of hours before & had to wait until I got home to let him back in.

Later this week he thought he had locked himself out again. His first thought was to turn into The Hulk & break down the back door because he had to be at work in 45 min, but instead he went around to the front in a hurry just to make sure it wasn’t unlocked. It was & so he proceeded to jump in the shower & get ready for work.

The funny thing would have been if he HAD of broken down the back door & walked through the house just to see the front door wide open. Oh, & when he came out to his truck Cali was hanging out in the front yard because he had unknowingly left the side gate open. Good times!

TV on DVD
Lately we have really been getting into watching TV shows on DVD instead of in real time. We’ve watched the first season of 24, In Treatment, Arrested Development & this weekend hope to finish The Black Donnellys. It’s nice being able to pace yourself, but also having the power of knowing that you can watch the next episode whenever you want - great idea TV people! Anyone have a TV series suggestion that is a must-watch?

On that note, I must finish up the work day so that in a few hours I can do my happy dance on the way out of prison…I mean my office. Happy weekend before Labor Day weekend everyone!

Real Men...

2009-08-25T11:38:00.007-05:00

On my way to work today, I saw a new huge billboard. In bold, solid letters it said, “Real Men Don’t Hit Women.”

I hate this form of public condemnation. It is completely based on shame and humiliation. Does anyone honestly think the way to reach men who hit women is to humiliate them and challenge their manhood? Perhaps thus is the reason they are abusers in the first place. If you admit to hitting a woman you are admitting to not being a real man, driving you into even more shame. It only leads to the perpetuation of a shame/abuse cycle. I feel ashamed, I deal with that shame through abuse, I feel ashamed again, I abuse to deal with it, etc. There’s little way out. MY OPINION is that for many abusers, there is a strong sense of shame, but the abuser has not learned how to handle shame, except to take it out on those around them.

Men who hit women are responsible for their actions. It is wrong. My point is shame and humiliation is the worst response. Where is the offer of help in this? Where is the grace in this for the ashamed, emotionally unstable abuser? My belief is that an abuser can’t change without a show of compassion, and you CAN extend compassion with accountability and responsibility.

Oh, and don’t you ever forget, “REAL men love Jesus.” Ugh…give me a break!

Society tells us we're civilized, but the truth is we are animals.

2009-08-21T11:57:00.007-05:00

According to this pic, Cali & I share the same opinion about college football season being right around the corner. Is it Friday already (kidding)? Where have all the cowboys & 4-day work weeks gone?

Family Weekend
We spent last weekend in MO with my family & had such a good time! My brother & sis-in-law came from OK & my grandparents came up on Sat to help me eat bday cake. It was too short, but we were able to squeeze in coffee with one of my favorite cousins I hadn’t seen in a long time. Oh, & we did get DQ blizzards on the way there & back & got some good ole’ Spfld cashew chicken.

Binkys
According to Ben, my organizational “sickness” has reached an all-time low. I was shopping at Target the other day & was searching for some pacifiers that were on a friend’s baby registry. Apparently, there are many different types of pacifiers & they were all mixed up on the wrong hangers. I figured out that I could match the UPC from the back of the package to the one on the hanger, so I proceeded to take them all down & spent the next 20 minutes reorganizing them perfectly. I would secretly love for someone to pay me to do this kind of thing, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Quirks
A friend of mine recently made a FB note about a few of her “quirks” & it got me thinking about some of mine: spacing the shampoo/body wash bottles equally apart & facing the same way in the shower, setting my alarm for random, odd-numbered times (i.e. 5:43, 6:07), always putting the volume # on the TV to an odd number & shutting the gas off on the stove because I’m convinced we will die of gas poisoning just to name a few.

Charades Anyone?
“Hey, our friend Kayci is being induced in the hospital tomorrow.” Ben
(Monica miming while gargling with mouthwash)
“You are pregnant with the spawn of Satan?” Ben
(after recovering from almost spewing the mouthwash) “No! We should get them a stuffed bunny from Party City.” Monica
Apparently, the bunny ears were confused for the devil ...very common mistake in charades I’m sure.

Ben & I will be celebrating 6 amazing years of marital bliss this Sun! Our life together has been one big adventure so far & we still love (& like) each other a lot! We will be taking off to a beautiful place in middle TN next weekend to celebrate & I can’t wait! Alright, that’s all I can muster up for your Friday afternoon blog entertainment. Happy almost weekend everyone!

Tween Blog and Resentment

2009-08-19T14:13:00.008-05:00

I am now considering my blogs as tween blogs because they come tween Monica’s fun Friday blogs. After you read this one, you’ll need a good Friday blog! I’ve been thinking a lot about resentment lately and would like to share a story.

One day in chapel at OC a Dean of some sort from the Pepperdine Law School led some talk that went way over my head. At the end he said he would be in the Student Center on campus that afternoon for anyone interested in talking about the school. I was considering law school as an option at that point in my schooling, so I stopped by his little table that afternoon.

After I initiated the conversation, I finally asked him, “So how much does it cost a year to go to Pepperdine Law School?” He then responded with a straight face, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” No change of expression on his part, even though I briefly giggled because I thought it was a joke. When I finally realized he was being pompous and smug, I felt humiliated.

All I could think about for days was ripping the bow tie off his neck and feeding it to him as I shoved it down his throat. I thought, “I’ll show him…I’ll go to law school and show up in his class and be the best student ever.” However, I knew inside that he would not even remember me and I would have felt terribly unfulfilled, which made me even more frustrated.

That man owned me and my thoughts for a long while, which is the best definition I’ve heard of resentment—to resent someone is to be owned by them. I was ready to do anything I could to show him up, to humiliate him, to beat the arrogance out of him. He owned me for several years. How could his one remark and his stupid bow tie cause so much humiliation and hate in me? I can come up with no better answer than I let him control me. I’m frustrated I let him own me for so long, but I have since let it go. Now on the other side of it, I can see how I let him influence and control me and how I don’t want anybody like that to have any ownership over me.

Who owns you right now? I have to admit I have some shareholders.

On the run from Johnny Law... ain't no trip to Cleveland.

2009-08-14T08:25:00.007-05:00

It’s Aloha Friday, no work till Monday (insert happy Friday dance)...the Friday song is what I miss most about listening to the radio in the mornings instead of opting for the iPod in our bathroom.

The Great Outdoors
Last weekend we went camping with our Ireland team in Texarkana. When we stepped out of the car at the campsite Fri night, our glasses immediately fogged up from the humidity…and it only got better from there. Besides the heat, there were ants, crickets, bugs & mosquitoes everywhere (including our tent) & we got little to no sleep both nights. Regardless, we had a blast & got to spend Sat out on the lake kayaking & it was an amazing bonding experience sharing communion around the campfire Sun morning!

He Says the Sweetest Things
“Do my eyes look tired?” Monica
“No, your face does.” Ben
This was a conversation we had earlier this week after a long weekend which resulted in uncontrollable sleepy-type laughter.

“Accept Me, Accept Me, Accept Me!”
This was the phrase I belted out in my sleep one night this week, which was proceeded by me sitting straight up in bed & then lying back down. Now, even though this was probably a dream come true (no pun intended) for a therapist to do some major subconscious dream interpretation, it freaked Ben out just as my sleep talking always does. He got me back though because that same night the pillow monster reared his ugly head & I was barely able to pull my pillow out from his death grip.

Reality TV at its Finest
Normally I don’t blog about specific TV shows, but I must give props to Big Brother for actually giving me butterflies from anticipation last night while watching the show! I won’t bore you with the details in case you don’t watch this guilty pleasure, but I will say that America voted to give one of the contestants a special power which was used (these powers are usually never used so as not to ruffle too many feathers) & it changed the game & it was AWESOME! Ben likes to scoff at my love of reality TV, but I throw it back in his face because technically all live sports are “reality TV” - am I right ladies?

Who’s Patty?
So, just as people “google” themselves I decided to “white page” ourselves via the WhitePages app I have on my iPhone just for fun. Ben’s name & our address came up & it even said “Age: 25-29” which is a little scary that the internet gods know that. Then came the kicker…“Household: Monica, Patty” Who is this Patty & why isn’t she paying her half of the mortgage & bills?

Well friends, we’re off on another road trip extravaganza to the Show-Me state to celebrate my belated bday w/ the fam! Cali is VERY excited to finally get to come this time & not be left at home like a red-headed stepchild. We are already anticipating our traditional blizzard stop at Dairy Queen & hopefully some yummy Springfield cashew chicken. Have a great weekend everyone!

Cell Phone Delays

2009-08-12T15:05:00.007-05:00

As I was in line at Sam’s today, a lady was on her cell phone and trying to pay at the same time and it definitely cost me some precious time that I could have been watching ESPN2. My thought was this: “Forget the delay in reaction time cell phones cause drivers, the real issue is the delay cell phones cause in making a simple store transaction.” It especially adds up if you are in a long line. I’ve been guilty a time or two as well. I think we should start making babies with three arms so when they are older they can talk on their cell phones and find their debit cards. Hmmph!

The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well.

2009-08-07T09:10:00.007-05:00

Oh Friday, how I wish I didn’t live for you to get here week after uneventful work week!

Another Pup Bites the Dust
Ben was in the backyard playing fetch with the pups. He decided to throw the ball up in the air between Cali & Layla, which resulted in one of those slow-mo football tackling scenes that they replay over & over because one of the players got a concussion. Layla ended up with the tennis ball & Cali ended up with a bit tongue & a chunk out of her nose. Ben proceeded to do the “finger eye test” & Cali was fine, but I don’t think we’ll be signing her up for puppy football anytime soon.

Nana Puddin’
So…last weekend our church decided to tack on a banana pudding contest to our annual ice cream social. I made the HUGE mistake of participating - entering a banana pudding contest in the south, what was I thinking?! We called our good friend Justin who lives in FL for his top secret recipe & it turned out amazing! Unfortunately, there were at least 50 other “fancy” banana puddings staring me in the face when we arrived & alas, I didn’t stand a chance.

TV Diet
I have offered to go on a TV diet upon the return of all the new shows this fall because A) It sucks up WAY too much of my time & B) I hate watching shows that Ben won’t watch with me. Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, The Bachelor, 90210, Survivor, Grey’s Anatomy & Ghost Whisperer are all on the chopping block. The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, LOST, Scrubs, The Office & 30 Rock are still being negotiated. We’ll see how this pans out when we add college football to the mix.

My Office Quote of the Week
“I reckon I shouldn’t ever try to pick up a woman that I can’t PICK UP.” (I am seriously not making this stuff up people.)

Well, let the out of town weekends begin…we’ll be camping in TX this weekend (yes, we’re insane for camping in hot, humid TX in Aug), going to MO next weekend to celebrate my bday w/ the fam & then off to a yet to be determined destination anniversary weekend getaway!

Living to be Something vs. Living not to be Something

2009-08-05T13:29:00.007-05:00

I like to ponder on things during the week and let Monica wrap it all up on Fridays with her awesome blog posts. She’s revived the blog and I look forward how she saw the week.

I’ve noticed a big difference between those who live to be something and those who live to not be something. For instance, I had a roommate that was heck-bent on not turning out like his father. He was going to finish college and be a brain surgeon—I’m not sure he finished the first year. So much was focused on not being his dad and he couldn’t focus on being himself. I see it in couples all the time—“I don’t want to be like my dad” or “I’m so afraid she’ll be like her mom.” The couple focuses on not being their parents and have trouble developing into who they want to be. I find that living out of not wanting to be something often gets the opposite result, which is ending up like that something. The anxiety actually brings about what someone is trying to avoid. Its like shaving your head so you don’t start balding. The reason I think this happens is when I am trying hard not to be something and I start to think I am being that way, I get discouraged and reason that I must just be that way (I think this happens on the conscious and unconscious levels). Its related to the “I’m mad but I don’t want to be and that makes me even more mad” scenario.

Then, I notice the people that are living to be something they want to be. I find it refreshing to be around these people because they seem to know what they want and go after it without a second thought. They are not hindered by not wanting to be something and have the freedom to be what they want. I think this is the difference between doing something out of fear and doing something out of freedom. I have found a great point here to dive off into some theological stuff, because this applies to those who are Christians because they want to be with God vs. those who are Christians because they don’t want to go to hell. Its also like OU playing a bowl game to not lose rather than to win.

The more you praise & celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

2009-07-31T08:39:00.008-05:00

It’s about time Friday got here already! What a fun bday week this was…

The Birthday Girl
Even though I spent most of the day at work, Ben had beautiful flowers delivered to my office & gave me THE funniest singing bday card ever! That night we went out with some good friends to my favorite sushi restaurant, Bluefin. While we were waiting for our meal, the fire alarm went off & proceeded to go off for the next 20-30 minutes. The funny thing is that this exact same thing happened last year when we were there for my bday! All in all, it was a very nice 29th bday & I’m still excited to celebrate with my fam in a few weeks when we go to MO.

Scene 1
Couple laying in bed watching TV commercial.
Ben That movie actually looks kinda good.
Monica Oh yeah, is that the one with the hamsters?
Ben (sarcastically) Uh no, they’re guinea pigs - hence the “G” in G-Force - that have super powers to help save the universe.
Couple laughs together & proceed to have a tickle fight.

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more.
Yesterday, just as I pulled into our driveway coming home from work, the tornado sirens went off. Ben had 4 & 5 o’clock appts. & I later found out that he counseled right through the sirens & simply moved into an interior room without windows (now that’s dedication!). We are dog sitting for our neighbors, so it was just me & the pups. Our “safe place” is a tiny hallway closet, so that was fun getting the 3 of us crammed in there armed with a flashlight & my iPhone. I checked their collars to make sure they had identification in case they got sucked up - unlike Ben, I always assume there WILL be a tornado. Cali & Layla even stayed in the closet for awhile after it was safe & I got out, so I think it was like a fun game for them.

Movie Critiques
Gran Torino (A+) - EXCELLENT film that breaks all age/racial barriers
Bolt (B+) - very funny, I’m liking talking cartoon animals more & more
Revolutionary Road (A) - I liked it so much that I bought the book, but not for those that don’t enjoy very real, depressing films that make you question life
The Proposal (A-) - one of my top 5 chick flicks I’ve ever seen, I think Ben could even stomach this one
Con Air (D+) - in my defense, it was on TBS HD & there was nothing else on

There is talk among Benica about a possible Gatlinburg anniversary trip, so Smoky Mountains here we come! I have prolonged getting my morning coffee for long enough - happy Friday everyone!

Therapist Website Suggestions

2009-07-29T14:20:00.007-05:00

I am looking at starting a website for my private counseling work in order to get myself out there, wherever out there is. So, here is my question: If you were looking for a therapist online, what would you want to see on the website that would make you want to see that particular therapist? What would turn you off? Your comments will be most beneficial to me.

Happy 29th, m!

2009-07-27T20:53:00.007-05:00

Happy Birthday, Baby! I didn’t think I could be any more excited than I was when we were watching The Bachelorette finale, but I am because it is your birthday (well, it will be in 3 hours from now). What a crazy life it has been this last year! Crazy is perfect when it is with you, and I expect nothing less than crazy for years to come. One time my grandmother dropped a pill on the floor and my granddad got on his hands and knees to find it and my grandmother said, “Where are you going?” and he said, “I’m going crazy, want to come with me?” I want us to be like that when we’re tomorrow and when we’re 50 years from now.

The 28th of July is a beautiful day every year, no matter where we are. I think it is fitting your birthday is at the end of the month so you can have a full “birthday month” and sucker me into doing everything because it is your “birthday month.” I love how important it is to you to celebrate special occasions and take joy in them. What I can give you is my love, on this, your birthday day.

It takes backbone to lead the life you want.

2009-07-24T09:08:00.021-05:00

Happy Fri-DAY y'all! This past week has been full of beautiful, unseasonably cool, fall-like weather days in Memphis & I can't get enough of it! Let the blogging begin...

Plato's Closet Snobs
This past week I did a clothes purge & decided to take some of my name brand stuff to Plato's Closet. Ben thought this was completely ridiculous, saying that all the clothes were too out of style. "All they can say is no" is my philosophy. Before I even made it to the counter, the guy started telling me that they do not accept anything with shoulder pads in regards to The Limited suit I was carrying & then proceeded to explain the rest of the "rules" to me with an ATTITUDE. I came back 2 1/2 hrs. later only to have the same guy tell me that they were going to have to do an "all pass" b/c they do not accept any clothes over 18 months old. Needless to say, I was a little humiliated & had to eat my own words. I will continue to shop there b/c they have some great deals, however I do not suggest trying to sell to them unless you'd like a good dose of humility.

Mr. Roach
One morning this week I walked into our guest bedroom where I get ready, only to find a ginormous roach the size of my hand (ok, maybe just my thumb) awaiting me. I proceeded to wake my sleeping husband to "rescue" me from this monstrosity to which he was NOT too happy. He proceeded to kill the roach & then got out of bed again upon my request for him to also clean up the remnants of the thing b/c a squished roach is still really gross. Throughout the years I have attempted to make deals like, "I will take out the trash for the rest of our lives if you will kill all bugs, spiders, mice without complaining," which hasn't worked. Again, something I should have noted in our wedding vows.

CS at its Finest
I was at McAlister's yesterday for FREE tea day & happened to see a lady with her 2 kids come in just for a free tea. She mentioned something to the employees behind the counter about hearing about it from a Facebook page, to which one of the twenty-something aged employees responded, "Gosh, do people not have lives?!" A small part of me wanted to yell out, "FAIL!" b/c I thought this was such a poor example of customer service since she basically called his lady (& myself who also heard about it via FB) a loser to her face.

Grocery Store Blues
Last night Ben & I made a trip to the grocery store to pick up dinner & a $1 movie. There are few things that Ben hates more than going to the grocery store to buy more than just a couple of things - 5 minutes is about his limit before he starts acting like a teething 2 yr. old (he will admit this freely). It's been a couple of months since we've had more than condiments in our fridge & I had reached my limit, so I sent Ben on a "mission" to make a salad from the salad bar as I proceeded to rent our movie & buy stuff for 4 meals all in about 5-7 minutes - whew! Basically, I tricked him by not talking about buying other groceries & I was able to accomplish this trickery with my mad shopping/power walking abilities. Why do guys hate grocery shopping so much?

I would like to end by saying that I love my hubby VERY much & am glad that we are still finding out little quirks about each other after almost 6 yrs. of marriage - my life will never be boring with him! Also, this next week we will be celebrating my bday - it's not the big one, but we're getting close.

You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs.

2009-07-17T08:59:00.012-05:00

Welcome to your ACTUAL Friday Friday blog post. It’s been awhile & if I had the choice I would keep the 4-day work weeks going indefinitely!

Arrested Development Train
This has been called the Best Show You Never Watched, The Best Show NOT on TV & Perhaps the Best Show ...Ever by some. Ron Howard had the original idea to create a comedy in the style of hand-held cameras & reality television, but with an elaborate, highly-comical script resulting from repeated rewritings & rehearsals. When multiple friends of ours kept telling us to watch it, but mostly after we got tired of not getting all the inside jokes, we finally relented & are so glad we did! There were only 3 seasons before it was canceled, but no need to fear - they are coming out with an AD movie in ‘10.

Families of Origin
For those of you who don’t speak therapist, the term "Family of Origin" refers to the family that you grew up in - usually your parents and siblings. When you get married, you get to find out all kinds of big & little differences of what “normal” means to both of you. Ben & I discovered one of these BIG differences over ice cream. Ben grew up in a family with 4 siblings & when they had ice cream they each received 1 scoop. I, on the other hand, grew up in a family with only 2 siblings & we were dipped a cereal-sized bowl heaping of ice cream which Ben now refers to as “Baggett” portions.

Ingenious Advertising
Recently, we were on one of our OK road trips & I happened to be driving (which does not happen much b/c Ben is our designated long trip driver). I saw a Starbucks billboard sign that read, “You’re in the driver’s seat.” which made me think to myself, “Yeah, I AM in the driver’s seat!” as I exited & paid $4 for a fru fru drink. Somehow that sign empowered me to make the decision they were marketing me to make - ingenious! I also saw on my Starbucks receipt yesterday that if brought my receipt back in that day after 2P I could get a Grande cold drink for $2 which I seriously considered doing, but never would have without that coupon. Side note: the first professional job I applied for after college was for a marketing position at the Starbucks headquarters in Seattle.

Random Pet Peeves
*When people mix up Memorial Day & Labor Day in almost every conversation one of these holidays comes up in.
*They’re/their/there…enough said.
*Toilet seat = down when not being used @ my house people (a.k.a. Ben).

Peace out my loyal blog readers…only 52 more days until another paid work holiday!